


Since I Don't Have You

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Jane Foster, Bi-sexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, CIA agent Jane Foster, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Gay Steve Rogers, High School, Idiots in Love, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Peter has a crush, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes, SHIELD Agents Bucky and Steve, Some Fluff, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve goes back to high school, Sweet Peter Parker, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25681408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: SHIELD Agents Steve and Bucky go undercover.  Steve goes in as a high school student and Bucky goes in as an AP English teacher.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 7
Kudos: 97





	Since I Don't Have You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so look, I know that Bucky is a science nerd in all of our minds because of The First Avenger, but I made him an AP English teacher in this because I was an AP English teacher so I knew what that would look like. Steve's project in this is the project that one of my favorite students did for the assignment. It wasn't perfect, but it did get a standing ovation from the class.  
> OH, and this was inspired by a piece of fan art for 21 Jump Street. Some of you will probably know the one that I'm talking about.

On his way to the morning briefing Steve Rogers gets pulled into one of the many empty offices. He doesn’t squeak when it happens, but it’s a near thing. Before he can orient himself there’s a finger in his face. “What the fuck do you mean you want a new partner?!”

Ah…so that’s what this is. Over him, stands his partner of three years and best friend for the last seventeen. Also, the guy that’s been dancing around in Steve’s dreams for just about all of those seventeen years. It’s been okay and he’s learned to deal with it, but lately his partner has been flirting with a new agent and Steve just can’t watch it anymore. She’s one of many, so many, that Bucky flirts with before bedding them. “It’s nothing personal, James, I just think other opportunities might present themselves if we weren’t partnered together anymore.”

“JAMES! What the every loving fuck, _Rogers_!” Bucky paces to the far end of the room, turning back and narrowing his eyes at Steve. “You better have a damn good reason for this and you better tell me what the hell it’s about.”

Steve takes a breath, squares his shoulders, and looks dead into his best friend’s eyes. “If you must know, and it’s really none of your business, but I think you’d do well with that new agent, the one you like.”

Bucky’s eyes narrow even further and his brow furrows. This is not good because that, that look right there, is what makes Bucky so damn good at his job. It’s the look that means he’s putting two and two together and always…ALWAYS, comes up with four. Steve is screwed. “Are you talking about Natasha?” Steve looks away nodding. “She’s a friend that’s trying to help me with a problem I’m having.”

“Just another reason why you should partner with her. You used to be able to talk things over with me and you haven’t been doing that lately. I think we’ve grown apart as friends and because of that, it could start to affect our job.” What Steve really wants to say is that watching Bucky get in bed with yet another someone is killing Steve.

“I can’t talk to you about it because it has to do with you!” Bucky rubs his forehead and throws his hand out. “God, you are such a pain in the ass!”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose. Bucky’s struggling with Steve and that’s probably because Steve has pulled away from him recently. “I’m sorry, I know I haven’t been myself. I’m just not sure I can do this anymore.”

Steve turns to open the door. “Don’t you dare walk out on me!”

The hair on the back of Steve’s neck stands up because no one talks to Steve that way unless they want to get punched. Spinning around, he faces his friend and just lets it all go. “Then let me make this easy for you, James! I’m in love with you and have been since I was 12. I can’t sit and watch you bed someone else. It hurts too damn much!”

Just as Bucky is about to respond, Fury throws the door open, nearly knocking Steve off his feet. “Get your asses to the conference room now.”

Steve leaves the room right behind Fury and Bucky stands, looking after his best friend and partner. Steve sits at the end of the table facing the screen and minutes later Bucky comes in taking the seat next to Natasha. Steve gives a minute shake of his head because he’s sure this will be pillow talk for the two of them later. Natasha looks down at him with a smirk on her face and Steve knows he’ll become the butt of every joke for her from now on.

Closing his eyes, he wills away the tears that are threatening. When he opens his eyes again, Natasha is still looking at him and leans in to say something to Bucky. Bucky waves her off, scowling at her, so she sits back taking in the room. Steve opens the file in front of him and focuses on the words. Once he sees what it is, he looks up at Fury. He’s never declined a mission before, but this is too much. “Oh hell no sir, I’m not going to be part of this.”

Fury looks up from the computer, raising an eyebrow at the young agent. Bucky opens the file and when he sees it, instead of joining Steve in his outrage, he grins. Looking back at Fury, Bucky smiles. Fury looks at Steve with his ‘you’ll do what the fuck I say’ grimace. “Agent Rogers, you really don’t have a choice.” Looking at the rest of the agents he continues. “We’ll go through this detail by detail and then Agents Rogers will be flown out tomorrow morning and Barnes will be flown out immediately following this meeting.” He looks at Steve. “You’ve already been set up at the location with everything you’ll need. You’re going in as an emancipated minor with family money that was willed to you by an uncle.” He looks over at Bucky. “You’re going in as a senor AP English teacher, so brush up on your literature.”

Steve sits at home that night, going through the file again. High school was hard enough the first time, being small and sickly. At least this time around he doesn’t have the health issues he did before and can defend himself if need be. Of course he’ll need those skills because he’s still small, but he’s also one of the best damn agents that SHIELD has ever had. Looking over at his duffle he tries to decide if there’s anything else he’ll need. Looking at the file again, he goes over what they’re looking for.

Crawling in bed later, he thinks about Bucky and how they left things. He didn’t want to spill his guts to his friend, but Bucky knows just the right tone of voice to get Steve pissed off enough to reveal everything. It’s always been that way, but now…shit, now he’s got to get through this assignment without making things even more awkward. When he’d requested a new partner, Fury had looked at him like he was crazy.

_“You and Agent Barnes are the only agents with 100% closure rate with SHIELD.” Fury looked over his desk, trying to piece together why Rogers would want this. “What’s this really about?”_

_Steve would never tell someone like Fury what the real reason is, so he’d had to make something up that was believable. “Well, you said it yourself, sir, we have a closure rate above everyone else’s, so if you split us up, we could help other agents achieve the same rate.”_

_Fury cocks his eyebrow at Steve with that patented ‘you’re shitting with me and I’ll figure out what the real reason is,’ but he doesn’t say that. “You’re thinking about the agency as a whole and being selfless.” His sarcasm is palpable._

_“SHIELD is my home sir and my family, and I want to see everyone do well.” The snort out of Fury tells Steve that he doesn’t buy it, but is willing to go along with it until he does figure it out._

_“I’ll look into it.” It’s a dismissal, so Steve gets up to leave._

Now, he’s laying in bed cursing Bucky for his perfect cheekbones, that little divot in his chin, those steel blue eyes, and that wavy chocolate hair. Steve doesn’t sleep and finds himself punching the pillow next to him repeatedly for letting his emotions get in the way of his friendship and partnership with his best friend. Bucky’s already in New York and tomorrow Steve has to check in at his ‘new school’ and suffer through high school all over again. 

Looking at himself in the mirror the next morning he curses himself this time for being 28, but able to pass himself off as a 18 year old. Agent Hill drives him to the airport a few hours later. “You look like shit this morning, Rogers.”

“Yeah, well the idea of having to go back to high school isn’t sitting well with me. Looking like this has always been a sore spot.” She glances over at him.

“There are a lot of people that would like to have your problem. Being your age and being able to pass for a teenager isn’t the worst thing.” She knows Rogers, has known him since he joined the agency, and respects him for his tactical mind and take no shit attitude. But something else is bothering him and she wants to know what it is, so she can be sure it isn’t going to upend the mission. “What’s really going on?”

Steve stares out the window and doesn’t seem to be listening, but Hill knows better. Rogers always knows what’s going on around him. “You shouldn’t ask questions you don’t really care to know the answer to, Hill. That isn’t like you.”

And if she wasn’t worried before, she sure as hell is now. “Rogers, I’m just making sure you’re going into this with a clear head about the mission.”

Steve looks over at her and if she isn’t absolutely sure that she’s wrong, Hill would swear that for an instant, Rogers could use a friend that would let him get whatever it is off his chest. As quickly as it flashes in his eyes, it’s gone again. “I always keep a clear head on missions.” Hill nods and lets it go. Dropping him off at the terminal, she heads back to headquarters to talk to Fury. She truly believes that Rogers and Barnes can pull this off, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to let her boss know that something is definitely up.

The only nice thing is the address they’ve set Steve up at because it’s his old neighborhood in Red Hook. As an emancipated minor, the apartment is rented in Steve’s name and paid for through what’s left of the school year. Letting himself in, he’s surprised to see that it’s a pretty nice place with good natural light. All of his small personal belongings, the watch that belonged to this father that he wears every day, SHIELD badge, both guns, several knives, and the leather bracelet that Bucky gave him three years ago when they became partners, go into the floor safe in the closet. He looks at the wardrobe and shakes his head. Whoever set this up was really going for the teenage hipster twink, right down to the dark framed glasses. “What the ever loving fuck?” He goes to the bedside table and opens the wooden box and takes out the ear bud, slipping it into his ear. “Can someone tell me why I’m going to be out there looking like something that every ‘Daddy’ is going to want to put their hands on?”

There’s a snort and Steve could swear that it’s Clint, so that means that Thor is around somewhere too. “Buddy, we had to work with what we had and you are what we had. We need to sell you as a teenager and that was the best way to do it.”

“Okay, but the minute someone suggests that I die my hair purple, I’m breaking cover.” Thor’s bellow of laughter cements that this is going to be an interesting mission. Those two are like Laurel and Hardy without a script.

Steve has about two hours before he has to head to Midtown School of Science and Technology to check in as a new student. Bucky’s been in New York since yesterday and Steve was informed that he started working this morning, observing the class before jumping in tomorrow. He doesn’t expect his partner to have anything new on this case and that’s okay because the less they are seen together, the better it will be for Steve. Bucky’s job is to get in with the teachers and see if he can get a line on where these new drugs are coming from and Steve’s job is to do the same from the student perspective. Heading to the shower, he washes away the plane ride and the overall sense of ‘ick’ about this whole prospect.

When he exits the building he hears Clint whistle in his ear. “Damn, okay, I probably shouldn’t have made your whole wardrobe like that.”

Steve rolls his eyes and heads to the closest train stop. He looks every bit the teenage hipster in his tight, black skinny jeans, his periodic table t-shirt, a flannel over shirt, his red Chuck Taylor’s, those black rimmed glasses, with a beanie. The backpack that he has over his shoulder is covered in pins with snarky comments that he’s sure Clint had a blast picking out. Midtown SciTech is what Steve expects and he enters the doors and follows the signs to the front office, where he’s met by the man in charge, Principal Morita. “Right on time, Mr. Rogers. It’s nice to have a punctual student for a change.”

Steve shakes his hand and follows the man into the office where he’s given his schedule. He raises his eyebrows at what’s on the schedule because there’s no way he should be in some of these classes. “Uh…Mr. Morita, can I ask about some of these classes?”

Morita looks at him with a cocked eyebrow. “If you’re going to complain that they aren’t hard enough for you, it’s what we had that matched where you came from.”

“Oh, no sir, I’m concerned that they may be above my level.” That seems to surprise the man.

“Well, that’s new. I usually get complaints that I’m not challenging them enough.” That seems to make the man like him even more. Setting his hand gently on Steve’s shoulder he gives a kind smile. “I’ll tell you what, if you find that the classes are too hard, I’ll help you find a tutor that can help you through them.”

Steve smiles and nods. Shit, he hasn’t done literature or science since freshman year of college and these are way above what he knows he’s capable of. “Thank you, sir. That’s really nice of you.”

A young girl that can’t be older than 17 heads their way and Principal Morita grins. “I’m going to turn you over to Jane and she’s going to show you around.” Short introductions are done and Steve heads off with Jane Foster, another of Principal Morita’s favorite students.

They’re silent for a period of time as she shows him the cafeteria and the bane of her existence, the gym. “So, where did you come from?” She’s looking at him square in the eye, which is odd because most of the time, teenagers only do that with their friends.

“Oh uh, Michigan.” She nods and he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to add more, but doesn’t know what else to say.

“What do your parents do?” Steve thinks back to the file and his background information.

“I don’t have parents. Well, I mean, my mom passed away and I didn’t know my dad. I’m an emancipated minor and moved here myself.” She stops, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her.

“Do not let anyone else know that or you’ll have people in your house all the time wanting to party. Just tell them you live with an aunt or guardian.” She starts walking again. “Some of these people have no boundaries and if they think you don’t have supervision your apartment will become the _in_ place to go. Trust me, most of them are really book smart, but dumb as posts.” It’s a strange way for her to phrase it, like she isn’t part of that group.

Steve snorts a laugh. “Tell me how you really feel about them, Jane.” She grins at him and although she’s young, Steve feels like he just made a friend. This is already better than his real high school experience.

“Let’s see your schedule.” She takes the paper from Steve, looking it over. “Well, we have math, science and history together and the same lunch, but you got the new AP English teacher…lucky you.” Her voice conveys that she really is jealous. Steve wants to hang his head because unless there’s another new English teacher, he’s going to have to sit in Bucky’s class every damn day. “Yeah, Mr. Barnes, he’s been the topic of conversation all day. Most of the students and at least half of the teachers are trying to figure out if he’s married and which way he swings.” She shoots a look over. “Sorry, I really hope you aren’t homophobic cause that would suck.”

Steve turns to show her his backpack and the rainbow pin. “Not homophobic.”

She links her arm with his and drags him down the hallway to show him where his classes are. “Good! You just made a new best friend.”

Steve has a sinking feeling in his stomach and thinks, ‘good, because I lost my last one.’

The next day, Steve heads to the parking garage where his car is supposed to be. Not knowing the layout of the school or the parking situation, he hadn’t bothered the day before, but today, he’s going to drive. Until he gets to the garage and finds his parking spot. Tapping his earpiece. “Someone want to tell me whose idea this was?”

Thor laughs and Clint immediately gets defensive. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong with that car, Rogers?”

“Clint, I don’t have to tell you what’s wrong with it because you already know. Now whose idea was this?” Steve starts out of the garage and decides to take the subway, but that will mean he’s late.

“It was mine and it just screams teenage hipster!” Steve stops, pinching the bridge of his nose and turns back to the offending car. He’s going to do this. Throwing his bag in the passenger seat, he gets in and hangs his head.

“I really hate everyone right now.” Clint and Thor snicker in his ear. Pulling into the student parking lot of the school, he finds his spot and parks. Jane is sitting on the steps when he pulls in and runs over to the car.

“OH MY GOD! I love this car!” She runs her finger down the side of the grey VW Beetle and stops at the hot pink butterfly stickers that start on the driver’s side door and appear to be fluttering to the back hatch. “Where do you live because if it’s close to me I want car rides to school?”

“Didn’t you tell me yesterday that I shouldn’t tell anyone where I live?” He grins at her enthusiasm and she links her arm with his, pulling him towards the front of the school.

“No, I told you not to,” She looks around to make sure no one can hear her and lowers her voice, “tell them that you’re emancipated.” She leans into him. “So, where do you live?”

It turns out that Jane isn’t that far from him, so they make a plan for him to start picking her up so she doesn’t have to ride the subway. The day goes about the way Steve expects. The teachers are nice, but he hasn’t been to science or AP English yet, lunch is questionable and he makes a plan to bring his from now on, and Jane is there for him all day. He finds her to be smart beyond her high school years and wonders what happened to her in her life that made her that way. She’s kind and generous with her time. He isn’t expecting to find out that she’s not only a science genius, but also a cheerleader. 

He doesn’t go unnoticed in the hallways, but no one tries anything either, so Steve moves through the day and watches and learns his environment. Different from when he was in school, he doesn’t pull in on himself and try to disappear into the crowd, he holds his head up and makes eye contact with anyone that even looks like they might want to start something with the new kid. He has AP English for the last period, so he just has to get through science first. That is easier said than done because the teacher immediately annoys Steve. When he walks in, Mr. Pierce is berating a student and from what Steve can gather, it’s because the student was right and Mr. Pierce was wrong about an equation.

Steve dealt with this shit enough when he was in school and isn’t going to let some scientist wannabe do this to another kid. Stepping up, he offers his hand to the teacher. “Mr. Pierce, I’m Steve Rogers and new to Midtown.”

Pierce looks at Steve with contempt. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to interrupt your elders?”

“I was taught that I should interrupt them when they are making a fool of themselves in front of others.” Pierce glares at him and Steve knows that whoever the kids is, he’s not the target anymore. Steve’s a grown man and can take care of himself, but this kid isn’t.

“You’re going to be a problem for the rest of the year aren’t you, Mr. Rogers?” Steve squeezes down on Pierce’s hand making the man wince.

“Oh yes sir, I sure am.” He makes his way to the back of the room where there’s an empty desk next to Jane. Her eyes are big as saucers and as he passes the kid that was getting yelled at, he pats him on the shoulder. He doesn’t see the kid turn around and watch Steve all the way to the desk. “Fucking asshat.”

Jane snorts a laugh and leans over. “You’re on Pierce’s shit list now.”

“Better me than whoever that kid was. If a teacher’s wrong they should just say they’re wrong.” Steve pulls out a sketch pad and pencil and starts drawing a comic of Pierce. It’s not flattering.

“That kid is Peter Parker. He’s a sophomore, but in all advanced classes. Smarter than anyone on campus.” Jane giggles, pointing at the previous panel that Steve was working on.

“Then Peter doesn’t need someone trying to tear him down.” The hour goes by and Steve just has to survive one more class, but it’s going to be the roughest one.

By the time he stops for water, waits for Jane outside of the bathroom, and starts making his way to English, people are looking at him and whispering. Jane leans in and whispers, “I heard them talking about you in the bathroom. That kid, Peter, he’s telling everyone what you did to Pierce.”

“Well, that’s just great. I’m going to have a reputation.” Jane snorts and Steve grins down at her conveying that he doesn’t really care.

“You already have a reputation.” She links her arm with his. “In case you haven’t noticed, there are some people looking at you that would like to ‘get to know you better.’” She does the little air quotes and makes Steve laugh.

“That is not going to happen.” She cocks her head to see if he’s serious. “Listen, I’m not in the market for a boyfriend or a hook-up, so they can look, but they aren’t touching.”

“What? Aren’t you just a hormone fueled teenager just waiting for the love of your life to sweep you off your feet?” She’s grinning, but something about the words send up a red flag with Steve.

“Hormones or no, nobody is sweeping me anywhere.” That’s all they have time for since they’ve arrived at Bucky’s class.

When Steve gets to the door, Bucky does a double-take, as Jane leans in, kissing Steve’s cheek. “You did a good thing back there.”

Steve blushes. “Yeah…well…someone needed to.” She goes on her way and Steve goes up to Bucky and offers his hand. “Mr. Barnes, I’m Steve Rogers. I’m new to Midtown.”

Bucky takes his hand, smiling at Steve in a way that the blond isn’t used to. Sometimes he forgets how good of an actor Bucky is undercover. “Mr. Rogers, it’s nice to meet you. I’m afraid the only seat that’s not filled is over by the door.” Steve turns, shaking himself mentally and takes the empty seat. Some of the other teachers made Steve introduce himself to the class, but Bucky doesn’t. He knows that there are eyes on him, but he busies himself getting out a composition book and a pencil. “Okay, so since it’s my first real day and the notes that Mrs. Gilliland gave me, you guys were working on poetry.”

There’s a collective groan from the class, except for Steve. He raises his hand and Bucky seems surprised, nodding for him to speak. “Are we at least going to listen to music lyrics for this unit?”

Bucky smirks. “Well, as a matter of fact, we are.” The class perks up then. The class continues and Steve’s impressed with how good Bucky is with the students. They talk about what makes poetry different from other types of writing and Bucky even reads a poem to the class. The girls and some of the boys are gazing at Bucky like he’s god’s gift to all things English. The last bell rings and everyone files out. Steve’s packing his stuff and is just about out the door when, “Mr. Rogers, can you stay for a minute?”

Steve’s shoulder’s slump and he heads over to Bucky’s desk. As the last kid leaves, Steve decides to head whatever this is off before Bucky can bring up their last conversation. “I don’t have anything yet, but that Pierce guy is on my list. I don’t know if he’s involved, but he’s an evil son of a bitch.”

Bucky chuckles at that. “I had dealings with him in the teacher’s lounge and he’s definitely an asshole.” Bucky takes a minute to looks Steve up and down and Steve waits for the smartass comment he knows is coming. He gets something else instead. “I don’t remember you looking this good in high school.”

It’s the wink that seals the comment and Steve blushes. “Well, you can thank Barton for this.”

Bucky starts to speak, but the door opens and Jane peeks in. Steve looks over smiling and has never been more thankful for a new friend. Behind her is the young kid from science class, Peter. “Well, just see me before school tomorrow if you have any trouble with tonight’s assignment.” Steve nods and heads out the door. 

Bucky watches him through the window as he gets to his car. Snorting at what Clint picked out, Bucky is sure that Steve would like to smack the other agent. There’s a girl and a boy with him and he wonders what that’s about. Steve was such a loner in high school, but it looks like he’s made some friends.

The classroom door opens and the teacher from across the hall comes in, shutting it behind her. She’s been flirting with Bucky all day and it’s getting a little old. “Do you have the new kid?”

“Steve Rogers?” She nods. “He seems like a good kid.”

She plops down on top of his desk. “Well, you’ll never believe what he pulled in Pierce’s class.” Bucky goes to sit on one of the student desks in front of her. “Pierce was letting Peter Parker have it because Peter corrected him on an equation and this kid Steve, came in and basically called him a fool.”

Bucky barks a laugh. “Of course he did.” She looks at him in a funny way and Bucky quickly tried to cover. “He just seems like one of those kids that would stand up for others.”

She nods like that makes perfect sense. “Well, better your class than mine.” Getting up, Bucky goes to erase the white board and she gets up to follow him. “If you aren’t busy tonight, some of us are going for dinner.”

Bucky peeks around and knows that by others, she really means just her. “Oh, I really can’t tonight. I promised a friend I’d have dinner with him.” She nods and scuttles away. Leaning his head on the board he mumbles to himself. “And you aren’t Steve.”

Peter lives a few blocks from Jane, so Steve offers him a ride home too. They drop Jane off first and Peter moves to the front seat. “Jane tells me that you did what you did, back in science class, to take the heat off me.”

Steve glances over. “Well, I don’t mind being on his shit list, but you didn’t deserve that just because you were right and he was wrong. No one has time in their lives for that kind of fuckery.”

Peter snorts and then giggles at that. “Thanks for that and if you ever need any help with class, not that you would, but you know, if you did, then I could maybe…help.”

Now, Steve’s not an expert on flirting by any means, but this kid is giving him the eye. That embarrassed, sideways glance with the little half smile and OH HELL NO! But Steve also has to play the part no matter how much it goes against his 28 years. “That’s real nice of you, Peter. Maybe we can start a study group with you, me and Jane.”

There’s something like disappointment on the kids face, but then he smiles. “Yeah, that would be great actually.”

They pull up to the curb outside of Peter’s apartment and the young man invites Steve up for a soda. Steve has to ask himself a few questions. Is this what high school kids do? Is this a bad idea? His mind supplies that of course this is high school behavior. Friends hanging out after school is just not something that Steve ever did unless it was Bucky. That thought makes the pit of his stomach hurt and he decides to throw his concerns out the window and act his part. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They climb out of the car and head up to the seventh floor. It’s a nice enough building and there’s a girl sitting outside the apartment down from Peter’s talking on her phone. Looking up, Peter waves and she grins at him. Inside, Steve is surprised to see a woman in the kitchen, pulling cookies out of the oven. Peter seems just as surprised by her presence. “May?”

The woman turns and eyes Steve. “Peter!” She comes over, hugging him. “How was school? And who is this?” She looks over at Steve who tries to smile. “You’re new because I know all of Peter’s friends.”

Peter hangs his head. “Aunt May, please be nice.”

“What? I’m always nice, but also curious.” She extends her hand and Steve takes it without thought. She’s scrutinizing him and Steve sees not only her aforementioned curiosity, but also something else. “I’m May Parker and you are?”

“Steve Rogers, ma’am. I’m new at Midtown and Peter was nice enough to befriend me.” She arches an eyebrow and Steve tries to figure out what he did that set off her alarms because he’s definitely set off her maternal alarms.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Steve and you’re both in time for warm cookies.” She goes back over to the baking tray and starts moving to cookies to a paper towel on the counter. Steve smiles because it reminds him of his ma. She puts a few on a plate sitting it on the table and goes to the fridge for drinks. “Soda or milk?”

“Milk!” Steve and Peter look at each other grinning, having said the word at the same time. Peter’s a nice kid and Steve wonders what it would have been like to have more than just Bucky when they were in high school.

May sits the glasses in front of them and waves at the plate. “So Steve, tell me about yourself.” Her arms are folded on the table and he knows that she’s judging whether or not he’s good enough to be around her nephew.

“May, seriously?” Peter looks like a bright red apple and is very much embarrassed by his aunt’s actions.

Steve grins at his ‘friend’ and turns back to May Parker. “I moved here from Michigan and started at Midtown this week.” How much information would a high school student give to the ‘parent’ of a friend? Steve really doesn’t know because his only friend had been Bucky and their families had known everything about each other. Winnie and Sarah shared everything with each other, so Steve never had to worry about letting anything slip.

“And what do your parents do?” Something flits across her eyes and Steve knows that she suspects something is off with him. 

“Oh…uh…” Peter seems to be just as interested in his answers, but for different reasons. So, Steve goes with the background he was given. “I’m an emancipated minor, ma’am. I would just appreciate it if you wouldn’t spread that around. I live on my own, pay my own rent from an inheritance, and really don’t want anyone at school knowing that.”

She’s nodding, but her eyes are narrowed. “And why wouldn’t you want anyone to know that, Steve?”

“Well ma’am, I want to get through school and go to college, I don’t need people showing up at my apartment thinking they can party just because I don’t have parents.” She’s silent for several seconds before reaching across the table to take his hand.

“This stays between us.” She looks over at Peter. “You don’t say anything to anyone about Steve’s circumstances, you understand?”

“Yes ma’am.” Peter grins over at Steve and it makes the blond a little nervous. Maybe sharing that he lives alone is not the best course of action with Peter. Steve can see the developing crush and when he looks over at May, she can see it too. The look she gets is guarded, but Steve’s been reading people long enough to know she doesn’t trust him completely.

It’s been three weeks and Steve is ready to go home or just drink, god does he want a drink, but it’s not part of the mission, in fact it would deter from the mission if anyone caught him buying liquor, so Steve just longingly looks at the beer as he buys a few things at the bodega. Paying for his stuff, he heads back to the apartment to look at a couple of incidences at the school. 

Two kids overdosed today during third period and he needs to get his hands on the medical report. Is that illegal, yes, does Steve care at this particular juncture, no. Back at home, he puts the earpiece in and starts talking to Clint. Thor went to meet up with Bucky about the same thing, so Steve just hopes that Clint stays on topic.

“Clint?” He hears a crash and figures that the walking disaster that is Clint Barton probably fell or knocked something over, or both.

“Yeah…yeah man, I’m here.”

“I’m going to need you to clear a server for me.” There’s the sound of clacking on the other side.

“Okay, you’re a go.”

Steve is one of the few people that can out hack Hill at the agency. He doesn’t know why, but it’s almost like art in its beauty and complexity. Steve’s fingers fly over the keys and he gets lost in his own world because of that, he doesn’t hear Clint talking to him until he’s almost where he needs to be. “Okay, almost in.”

“Did you even hear me, Rogers?”

“No because I’m working Clint. What did you say?” Steve huffs and gets through the metaphorical backdoor of the hospital where the kids were taken.

“I asked what’s up with you and your partner.”

Steve freezes for just a second, then brings up the files. “I’m in. I have the medical records.”

“That’s awesome, but you didn’t answer my question.”

“Because when this mission is over, I don’t have a partner.” Something else crashes on the other end. “They’ve sent a sample of the kids’ blood off to the lab. They’re suspecting some kind of opiate, but there’s a note by a lab tech that it can’t be because the initial blood work has different markers.”

“Okay, okay, but can we get back to the no partner thing.”

Steve sighs. “I asked to be partnered with someone new. Now stay focused! I’m going to need you to track this report and when the results on the blood work comes back, I want to be the first to see it.”

There’s silence from Clint, but he can hear the man typing. “It’s set up. Steve?”

“Yeah?” He knows what’s happening and really doesn’t want to deal with this. 

“Why do you want a new partner?”

“Clint, I’m not going to answer that because everything we say could be monitored.” Nothing is said after that, but a few minutes later there’s a knock on the door. When he opens it, Clint is standing there with beer. “Oh thank god! Gimme!” Steve makes grabby hands at the beer and Clint snorts.

They pop the top on two of them, Steve takes a long drag from the bottle, and then they sit in silence. Clint motions to the earpiece and Steve takes it out. “Now, tell me what’s going on.” Here’s the thing that Steve’s learned about Clint Barton, he’s a walking disaster, but damn good at his job and he really cares about the people he works with.

Steve shakes his head and Clint gets up, taking Steve’s beer and heading to the kitchen. Apparently, no talking means he gets no beer. “Okay, okay, give me the beer.” Clint sits back down, staring at Steve expectantly. “I told Bucky something before the meeting where we got this mission and he…he’s not going to want to be my partner after this.”

“What could be so bad that he’ll want a new partner?” After Clint asks the question, it’s like the light bulb goes off above his head. “OH…” The other thing about Clint Barton is that he’s exceptionally perceptive when it comes to people’s feelings.

“Yeah, so I just need to get through this, so I can get back to my life.” Steve rolls the bottle between his hands, thinking about his partner and when they get home, Bucky will have his nice life or casual fling with Natasha and Steve will hopefully be partnered with someone that he can stand.

The following day, thank god it’s Friday, Steve heads to school, picking up Jane and Peter on the way. Steve makes a few notes during his classes about the case and during his last period he sees Pierce having a heated conversation with one of the coaches. He’s pretty sure the coach is Rumlow, but thankfully doesn’t have to deal with PE since, according to his transfer records, he’s met his physical education requirements.

He’s a little guy, Steve knows this about himself, and because of that, he sometimes doesn’t get noticed. Bending over the water fountain, he clicks his teeth three times to get Clint and Thor’s attention. The internet van, the one that’s cover for Clint and Thor, sits on the street outside the school. “What do we have?”

Steve doesn’t answer because he can’t if he’s going to keep going unnoticed and hopes the Clint can zero in on the conversation between the other men through Steve’s phone. Thankfully both men don’t see Steve or they don’t think he’s important enough to stop their argument. “I’m not sure about this.”

“I’m tired of living a life when I know I’m meant for more important things.” Pierce pokes the coach in the chest. “And you are too far into this to back out now. Let’s both be honest, you don’t like these little shits any more than I do.”

They walk away and Steve stands, looking up and down the hallway. Everything is clear. “Did you get that?”

Thor sounds disgusted. “Yeah, we got it.” Steve heads back to class. “We also got the report on the kids at the hospital. I’m sending it encrypted to your phone.”

“Got it. Send it to Bucky too, so he’s got the information.” Standing outside Bucky’s classroom, he knows he’s got to go in and make his presentation, but it’s the last thing he wants to do.

“You could cover it with him after school.”

Steve knows that Thor doesn’t understand his delicate position. “Send him the report too.” Stepping into the classroom, Steve quietly sits in his desk, so not to disturb Allie who’s making her presentation. Most of the students picked love or rap songs for their project. Steve didn’t. Steve picked a song that his ma used to play for him. Allie finishes up and during the applause, Steve pulls out his flash drive. Making his way to the front of the room, he plugs it into Bucky’s computer.

Part one of the assignment, have the class listen to the song and display the lyrics. Steve starts the song and looks up at the class, he sees Bucky sitting by the window with his grade sheet. Bucky’s eyes fly up to meet Steve’s and tears gather there. Sarah Rogers was a mother, not just to Steve, but to Bucky too and this song is a big part of their childhood. Bucky sniffles discreetly and wipes his eyes, smiling painfully at Steve. The song ends.

Part two of the assignment, explain the song with its symbolism. “I chose this song because of my mother, it was one of her favorites and so it became one of mine. The first part of the song is easy because the song writer, Don McLean, is singing about a day when he was a kid and the headline in the newspaper reported something tragic. The symbolism here is about that moment that we all have when we lose our innocence. When we become aware of the world outside of ourselves and how crushing that can be. So, yeah, it’s a loss of innocence song.” He tells the class about the three musicians that died in the plane crash and then moves on to the pink carnation. He’s really getting into the analysis by adding. “What McLean has done with this song is to give the listener a history lesson through a medium that attracts everyone. We all respond to music and can’t really say why. But what McLean does with this song is to remind us of all the times our society lost something important, those that give us the music that keeps us going.” Steve talks about the flack that Lennon received for reading Marx, but reminds the class that just because someone is a communist doesn’t mean they didn’t have good ideas. Looking up, Steve sees Bucky beaming at him with tears still gathered in his eyes. “When he sings about the marching band refusing to ‘yield’ the field he’s reminding us that it isn’t football that’s going to keep us going, it’s the music.” Steve takes a deep breath, looking back at the class. “The last thing I want to add is this, there’s a warning in this song too, when McLean repeats in the chorus that ‘the levee was dry’ he’s warning us that if we ever get to a point that we don’t have music, life isn’t worth living.” Steve sniffles because he thinks of Sarah and her bright light and all the music that always filled their house. “Music is like magic, it keeps us going when we don’t think we can, it keeps us company when times are dark, and it lifts us up when nothing else can.”

There’s loud applause and some of the students that sneer at Steve are even on their feet in appreciation. Bucky comes over to him, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder and cocking his head to the side to catch Steve’s eyes. “She’d be really proud of you and who you’ve become.” Steve nods, pulling the flash drive and heading back to his seat. Bucky turns to address the class. “Okay, well that was all of the projects, so next week we’ll be starting poetry and it’s my hope that you will remember that poetry is just lyrics without the music.” The last bell rings and Steve jumps to his feet and is out of the room before anyone can say anything.

Steve doesn’t stop until he’s at his car, head hanging and trying to breathe through the gaping hole in his heart where his mother lives. It’s nearly twenty minutes before Jane and Peter make it out of the building. “Dude! What happened in English today? Everyone is talking about your project.”

Peter seems to recognize something on Steve’s face and goes over to him. Steve doesn’t expect to be pulled into a hug by the young man. Jane doesn’t know what’s happening, but joins the hug and before Steve knows what he’s doing, he’s clinging to them and sobbing. Jane pulls away first and then Peter, but Pete doesn’t go far. Reaching up, he wipes away the tears on Steve’s cheeks and offers consolation. “When my parents died, I couldn’t find anything that made me happy, but my aunt and uncle kept drawing me out, using music. Then my uncle was…taken away from us and my aunt and I couldn’t listen to anything anymore. It was almost a year before she turned the music on again.” Steve looks up, nodding. “Who was it?”

“My ma.” Peter pulls him back in and Steve takes a shaky breath. “Hey, why don’t we go back to mine and I’ll order some pizza.” Both of them nod.

Steve doesn’t know that Bucky is standing in his classroom, watching all of this. More than anything Bucky wants to go to his best friend and comfort him, but in this mission he isn’t Steve’s best friend and a teacher comforting a child that way isn’t allowed. Hanging his head, he thinks of Sarah and doesn’t stop the tears that travel down his face. God, he misses Steve.

Later at home, Bucky puts in a call to his point person in DC and waits for her to pick up. “Romanov.”

“Hey Tash, you gotta minute?” He grabs some water and sits by the window that looks down the street.

“What’s up? Have you read the medical report yet?”

Bucky lays his head against the back of the chair. “No, I’ll look at it in a few minutes.”

“Okay, what’s up because you sound like crap?”

“He won’t have anything to do with me and it’s killing me.” Bucky wants to cry again.

“Stop being so dramatic and go talk to him.”

“He’s made these friends, Jane and Peter. It’s nothing like when we were in school and I was all he had.” Bucky huffs. “He’s like the gay dream this time around and that Peter kids has the biggest damn crush on him.”

“Yeah, but James, Peter Parker is 16 and that’s not exactly legal _and_ Steve’s smarter than that. Plus, he’s in love with you.”

“You know what it makes me think?” She hums. “That I should have gotten my head out of my ass in high school and dated the shit out of him then.”

There’s a snort. “Well yeah, that would make all of this a lot easier, but something tells me you live with your head up your own ass.” Bucky yelps. “James, you’ve been parading your conquests in front of him for years. What the hell did you think you were doing?”

“I thought I was getting over him. I thought I could be happy that way. I didn’t know how he felt about me and if I had, I would have kept it in my pants.” Sitting forward, Bucky leans over his knees feeling like a complete asshole for doing that to Steve. The guilt he feels is overwhelming because Steve’s been in love with him for years and had to watch Bucky be nothing more than a cad putting notches in his bedpost. “God, I’m an asshole.”

“Yeah, you really are.” There’s another yelp. “Look I can be a real friend and tell you like it is or I can play the part and try to tell you that it isn’t so bad. The thing is, it really is that bad and you really did treat him like shit even if you didn’t know how he felt. Hindsight is 20/20, you can’t change the past, but you sure as hell can build a future. Now read the damn report and get drunk. It’s Friday and that’s what teachers do on Friday.”

Steve makes himself unavailable to the team that night, so Bucky, Clint and Thor go through the medical report together. The little diner that they spread out in is like many of the ones that Bucky and Steve used to go to as kids. He’s on the phone with Natasha trying to figure out what they’re looking at and doesn’t hear the conversation between Clint and Thor. “I’m tellin you, he’s requested a new partner. I checked in with Hill and it’s true.”

Thor looks over at Bucky, who’s still talking to Nat. “Did he say why?”

Clint cuts his eyes over to Bucky and inclines his head. “It’s personal.”

“What does personal have to do with the job?” Clint narrows his eyes then widens them trying to tell his partner without telling his partner.

At first Thor seems oblivious, but when his eyes widen comically, Clint knows he gets it. Thor mouths ‘really?’ and Clint nods. “Yes, really.”

Bucky hangs up the phone and looks over at the other two agents. “Really what?” They both wave it off, so he shrugs and keeps going. “Nat has no idea what this is. She ran it past a few other people and they don’t know either. Has Steve said anything about it?”

“Uh, no and he’s not able to give us anything more right now. Too bad we can’t just go to his door and ask, but he’s got visitors.” Bucky looks back up confused.

“What do you mean, visitors?” Thor kicks Clint under the table and Clint tries not to wince, but Thor is big and stronger than he realizes sometimes.

“He invited Jane and Peter over for pizza. He seemed pretty upset this afternoon.” Clint’s fishing and trying to see if Bucky knows why Steve lost it in the parking lot after school. His com was off, but Clint and Thor watched him from the van and saw him crying next to his car.

“Oh yeah, he did a presentation today and it reminded him of his mom. Maybe I should go check on him.” He’s about ready to get up and leave when Thor reaches up to stop him.

“James, you can’t do that. If anyone saw a teacher going into a student’s apartment it would jeopardize the mission.” Bucky nods and sits back down. After their impromptu meeting, Bucky goes back to his apartment and sits by the window again. He knows that Steve is just two blocks away and all he really wants to do is go and…hell at this point he’s not even sure what he could do. But one thing he’s very sure of, he wants to hold his best friend and curl up with him in bed.

The three of them are laying on the living room floor, staring at the ceiling. “Mario Kart?”

Jane shakes her head. “I’m not playing that with you because you know how and I don’t.”

“Netflix?” Steve looks over and both of the others nod. “Okay, so we just need to decide what we want on our pizza.”

“No pineapple…Jane!” Jane sits up, glaring at Peter.

“You have no taste.” Steve gets up, going to grab his phone from the table by the window. The van is out front and he needs to read the report, but just for tonight what he really wants, is to be that kid that he didn’t get the chance to be. Jane watches him staring out into the street. “You okay, Steve?”

Spinning back around he tries to smile, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes. “Oh…yeah, I’m great. Now, what are we ordering?” After pizza and a couple of really bad movies, Steve leaves the TV on and gets up to take care of a few things.

Peter is passed out on the sofa and Steve is cleaning up the kitchen when Jane stumbles in, rubbing her eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Cleaning up our mess from earlier.” She huffs and Steve can’t help but chuckle. Jane may be young, but she’s a really good person.

“Are you always this responsible?” Getting a glass, she gets some water.

“Yes, because I have to be. No one else is going to do it for me.” Jane watches him and Steve can feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. She’s doing that thing again that sends up a red flag. It’s happened once or twice and he’s sure she’s trying to figure him out, but can’t quite put her finger on what it is that makes Steve not fit in.

Tonight is the night that she pinpoints what that nagging feeling is. “How old are you really?”

When he turns to laugh off what she’s just asked, he sees something in her eyes that isn’t 17. “How old are you?”

Steve trusts his gut and it’s telling him that they’ve just stumbled on the other’s secret. Jane looks back into the living room where Peter is snoring away. She lowers her voice and whisper yells at him. “What the fuck, man? Who are you really and what are you doing at Midtown?”

Steve stares up at the ceiling. “I’m Agent Steve Rogers from SHIELD and you are?”

“Agent Jane Foster, CIA.” Steve’s got his hands on his hips and he’s shaking his head. “Well fuck.”

“Well fuck is right. “ Steve looks back to the living room and blows out a breath. “We have a problem.” She looks panicked and Steve really thinks about this situation. 

“Fuck, they’re going to pull me from this assignment.” She’s up and pacing the tiny kitchen.

“Why? I mean, no one really needs to know.” She looks up hopeful. “It’s not like we’re getting in each other’s way.”

The conversation ends there because Peter comes into the kitchen, shuffling his feet and eyes barely open. He’s still in that half asleep stage and goes into Steve’s personal space and lays his head against Steve’s chest. With a big yawn he slips his arms around Steve’s waist, causing the older man to look over his head at Jane. She grins and turns away to hide the giggle. Steve slips his arms around Peter’s waist and tries really hard to figure out how to get out of this ridiculous situation. Jane turns back around, smirking. “You have a lot of things you’re going to have to figure out.”

Peter lifts his head, frowning. “What? What did I miss?”

Steve gets them settled in with Jane on the sofa and Peter on the floor. Going off to his own bedroom, he doesn’t miss Peter’s longing look. He’s got to come up with a solution to make sure nothing goes any further than what just happened in the kitchen. He knows how teenagers are, they get fixated on someone and think they are in love, but it passes in a few weeks. Peter Parker is a great kid, with a good head on his shoulders, but his fixed on Steve and that’s not good. 

He wakes the next morning to the smell of bacon and coffee. When he gets into the kitchen, Peter is fixing pancakes and Jane is pulling the bacon from the oven. Peter turns, grinning. “Dude, you have all the good creamers!”

Steve chuckles and goes for the coffee maker. “I like coffee with flavor.”

Monday brings another day of being a teenager and Steve’s not sure if he’s hating this or enjoying it. It’s three weeks until the Thanksgiving break and he’s looking forward to not having to put on this persona. Just hiding out in the apartment and maybe going to see his Ma. If it weren’t for Jane, and to an extent, Peter, he’d probably be looking for a way out. The team has no leads on who’s doing this and two more kids have overdosed, luckily neither of them died. The test results are the same, but with minor difference, like someone is tweaking the formula and testing it on the students and that just pisses Steve off. His money is still on Pierce, but the man doesn’t do anything suspicious besides being an asshole to the students.

On this particular day it’s obvious that Pierce doesn’t want to deal with the students, so he gives them a worksheet and tells them to work in pairs. So, Pierce’s class is a nightmare, but about halfway through the period, Jane pokes him and points at the side board. The class is supposed to be partnering on a worksheet, that makes no sense to Steve, so he’s drawing a cartoon on the corner of the paper, and Pierce is at the board working on what looks, to Steve, like nonsense, but Jane makes a motion for him to take a picture of it. Pulling out his phone, he points it at the board while Jane clears her throat to cover the sound of the false shutter.

Steve shrugs to ask what this is all about and Jane shakes her head and mouths ‘later.’ He nods and goes back to the sheet in front of him, sighing. At the end of class she asks him to send the picture to her. It’s been really nice having another agent undercover with him as a student. As they leave the class, she leans in, whispering, “I think that’s the formula for the drug. He doesn’t think any of us are smart enough to know what it is, so he’s got it in plain sight.”

“What a dick.” They would continue talking, but Peter bounds up to them.

“Who’s a dick?” He lowers his voice because their voices were low.

“Oh, Pierce.” Peter nods and slips Steve’s backpack from the blond’s shoulder to carry it for him. Steve knows he’s in trouble when Peter blushes, but keeps walking. It’s a problem, a real problem, but it’s also sweet and Steve can’t help the small smile. He never had anyone do something like this for him when he was actually in high school. Clearing his throat, he glances over at Jane.

When they reach Bucky’s class, Steve takes his pack, but before he can walk into the class, Peter leans in, giving him a light peck on the cheek. As he walks away, Jane gives him a peck on the opposite cheek. “You’re going to have to do something about that.”

Steve nods that he knows, but is clueless what to do. When he turns, Bucky is standing by his desk staring at him. The look on Bucky’s face tells Steve that he saw that too, but instead of giving Steve a sassy smirk, he looks…annoyed. Steve shrugs and takes his seat by the door. The bell rings and Bucky does a quick roll check and then jumps into the lesson.

“Okay, so we spent a few weeks working on your projects, then we went over other types of poetry, so today you’re going to do a mock analysis formatted like the AP exam. Normally, this would be timed, but since it’s the first one that you’ve done, I’m going to give you the entire period.” There’s a groan from someone at the back of the class. “Yeah, I know, but I think we’ve proven that poetry isn’t ‘roses are red, violets are blue’ there’s more depth to what the poet is saying.” Bucky turns and grabs a paper from his desk. “You picked this up as you came in, so let’s go through it together.”

Bucky reads the instructions and tells them that while they are working on this in small groups, he’ll be calling people up to talk about their project grades. Steve joins a small group with two other girls, both of whom spend more time talking about how hot Bucky is. Steve can’t help the grin, but stays focused on the poem because he doesn’t want to get into that conversation. One of the girls, Allie, looks over at his paper and sees that he’s halfway done marking the stanzas. “Come on, Steve, you have to have an opinion about Mr. Barnes.”

Steve glances up and shakes his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

She grins at him and bumps his backpack. “I’ve seen the Pride pin on your backpack, don’t lie to me.”

Steve folds his arms on his desk, looking poignantly at her. Over her shoulder, he can see Bucky watching him. “Okay, truth and then we get back to work, yes?” She and the other girl nod. “I think he’s the best looking guy I’ve ever seen.” Allie squeals and Steve looks back down at his paper. When he looks up from under his lashes, Bucky is smiling softly at him. He has no idea why his partner would be doing that. Even if Bucky read his lips, he already knows how Steve feels about him, so it shouldn’t garner a response.

Four students in and Bucky calls Steve’s name. He goes up to the man’s desk and sits in the chair that Bucky’s pulled up for the students. He starts off in character. “Steve, I wanted to tell you how good your project was. I think you have a really good grasp of what I’m looking for in the analysis, but let’s talk about this poem for a minute.” Steve launches into what he thinks the poet means and he catches Bucky looking at his mouth and leaning in close. Steve blushes, but is determined to stay focused. Once he gets to a stopping point, Bucky leans in. “We need to talk.” Tilting his head, Bucky catches his eyes.

Steve lowers his voice. “Mr. Barnes, I thought we were talking.”

Bucky beams at him, appreciating the snark and the hint of the Steve he knows. “About what you told me before we left DC.” It’s just a whisper and Steve blushes.

Steve shakes his head. He doesn’t want to do this and especially not now. “There’s nothing to talk about.” Steve looks at the class to make sure they’re not listening, but he can see Allie and the other girl watching them. Allie gives him a thumbs up, making Steve sigh. If she only knew. “I made my feelings clear and I’ve known you for a long time, Buck, so I know I’m not what you’re looking for. I don’t look anything like what you normally take to bed.” It hurts, god how it hurts, but it’s out there now.

Bucky uses his pen and points at something on the page, leaning into Steve like he’s still talking about the assignment. His next words just push the knife into Steve’s heart deeper. “I honestly didn’t know you felt that way about me.” Steve looks up and Bucky shrugs. “So, I entertained myself with people that weren’t looking for anything serious. It isn’t an excuse, just a fact.” Bucky looks up, locking eyes with Steve again, Steve sees an aborted motion like Bucky was going to reach up and touch him. “I care about you, Steve, and have for as long as I can remember.” His beautiful eyes are pleading, but Steve doesn’t know what he’s pleading for.

Steve would blow this off, but the soft look in Bucky’s eyes is familiar. It’s the look he gets only with Steve, like it’s their deep friendship in a single glance. “Buck?”

“I mean it, Stevie. I care about you like nothing else I’ve ever known and I want to keep this partnership. I don’t think I can work with someone else.” It takes every bit of Steve’s training to keep himself from showing the emotions he’s feeling: part frustration, part hurt. He has to fight himself from telling Bucky that they can stay partners after this because he always gives Bucky what he wants.

With that thought, he blushes. “I know you want to keep me as your partner, but ask yourself why.”

“Hey.” Steve looks up into his best friend’s eyes. “If I gotta get down on my knees and beg, I’ll do it.”

Tears gather in Steve’s eyes and he finds himself sniffling. “I love you more than I think you understand. This isn’t just about our being partners, Bucky. This is also about me staying sane in a job I love and I’m damned good at.”

Bucky sighs. “Yeah, I know, but I couldn’t let you think that you aren’t one of the most important things in my life.”

Steve blushes again and lowers his eyes. “This mission can’t end soon enough.” They hold their gaze for a few more seconds, then Steve gets up to go back to his desk. Allie and her friend want to know what the conversation was about, but Steve keeps his eyes on his paper. Thank god this is the last period because he doesn’t know if he could get through more classes with that conversation weighing on his mind. The last bell rings and Bucky gives instructions to the class. Steve thinks about staying, but Jane and Peter come to the door, causing Bucky to frown.

When he’s alone, later that night, Clint comes on the com. “Did you see that report?”

Steve pulls the medical files over. There’s definitely more to the most recent ones and whatever this drug is, no one can make heads or tails of what it is. “Yeah, I’ve been over it twice. Some of this doesn’t make sense. The drug is changing.” His phone pings with a text. “Hang on.” He cuts the com and hits Call on his phone. Jane picks up immediately. “Jane, what’s up?”

“Hey Steve, listen, I’ve been going over and over this formula and something’s not adding up.” Steve pulls a pad over so he can start writing what she’s going over. “At first it looks similar to rohypnol, but there’s something else in it too. So, I looked a little closer and this stuff has a suggestive additive to it.”

Steve digests that for a second and when he understands what she mean, he’s furious. “So, let me get this straight,” He gets up and starts pacing, “This shit not only makes someone unable to say no, but they become open to suggestion too?”

“Yeah, this shit is creepy man, like you could get the person to do anything you wanted and they’d never consider questioning it.”

“Okay, I gotta talk to my team about this.” They say their goodbyes and Steve turns his earpiece back on. “Clint, we gotta get someone on this. If this is what I think, it’s worse than we thought. I’m sending you a picture and you need to get it to someone in our science department, someone that really knows what they’re doing.”

“Man, what’s going on?”

“That thing that doesn’t look right in the medical report is bad, Clint.” Steve throws himself onto the sofa. He can’t tell them about Jane, he made a promise to her, but without her, none of them would know where to look.

“How do you know?”

“Do you trust me?” Clint gives an affirmative. “Then get the picture to the lab.” They hang up and Steve sends the picture he took that day to Clint.

Steve goes to bed that night and allows himself think about Bucky. His Ma is the only one that ever knew how he really felt about his best friend and she told him to trust his heart. That was fine when he was a kid, but as they got older, Bucky remained just his best friend. He started pulling away when Steve was 14 and Bucky was 15. Steve wonders now if that’s when Bucky started figuring out Steve’s feelings for him. As if on cue, Steve’s phone pings. It’s a text from an unknown number.

_‘Thor gave me your number. I know we aren’t supposed to have contact this way, but I want to tell you a few things. This is going to be long, so just bear with me.’_

Steve knows who it is, so he waits, wrapping the quilt more firmly around his shoulders.

_‘I know that I’ve come across as an asshole when it comes to dating. It just…it was hard for me because people don’t think that bisexual is a valid label. After awhile, I stopped thinking in labels and just went out with whoever I wanted. The only constant thing in my life was you and now you don’t want to be that constant for me anymore and I don’t know what to do with that.’_

_‘When you went home the night you told me about the medical trial that Ma Sarah got you into, I cried until I fell asleep. I thought it meant that I was going to lose you, but you came back and looked healthier than you ever had. I was really happy for you, but also…not.’_

Steve tears up, thinking of Bucky being that upset and him never knowing about it.

_‘You looked different. I knew that someone was going to finally see you the way I did and you wouldn’t need me anymore. I knew I was going to lose you, but I didn’t and you were still there for me. You just kept hanging out with me and I thought it was because you just didn’t want to date anyone.’_

Steve wants to respond, but the next part has him smiling because they know each other so well.

_‘Don’t say anything until I’m done, punk.’_

The typing bubbles come up and Steve waits.

_‘See Steve, when I looked at you back then and I look at you now, I see everything beautiful in the world. I’m going to say this and you’re going to want to punch me, but it’s damn well the truth and you need to hear it. You are so damn pretty.’_

Steve rolls his eyes.

_‘Stop rolling your eyes and listen to me.’_ Steve can’t help the chuckle because he loves this man and likes him as a person, but also doesn’t know if being his partner is really the best thing for them as people.

_‘I’ve never seen anything as pretty as you and when you came back healthy, but still you, still just the right size to fit under my arm, I wanted to talk to you about how I was feeling. By the time we were 16 and 17, I knew I might be in trouble. I started taking out every girl and boy I could just so I could get my mind off the things I was thinking. You never said anything or even hinted at how you felt.’_

Steve looks down at his phone trying to figure out if he’s reading these texts wrong. He starts to wonder if this isn’t Bucky at all, but someone else. He knows that Bucky’s trying to say something important, but for the life of him, Steve can’t figure out what it is.

_‘I’ve never loved anyone before, Steve. The people I slept with were not even replacements for someone, they were just warm bodies. That makes me sound like a jerk, but it’s true. I don’t know and don’t want to know about the people you dated and had relationships with because I’m an asshole and don’t think I could take it. I’m a selfish bastard. This is me, Steve.’_

Steve tosses his phone to the end of the bed and gets up to pace. He knows Bucky better than anyone, that’s a known fact, and the Bucky he knows isn’t one to play with a person’s emotions. He good and Steve knows that Bucky doesn’t want to lose their friendship or partnership over this, but that’s more about change and Bucky doesn’t like change when things are working well. Instead of ignoring the texts, Steve picks up his phone and sends two words.

_‘Goodnight, Buck.’_ He needs to think this through and see what tomorrow brings. They also have a mission to get through and Steve can’t do that if he gets caught up in ‘what-ifs.’

By Thursday the team has a conference call with their contact people, Fury, and the scientist that worked through the formula. Steve sits in front of his computer with Bruce Banner’s face on the screen. “I don’t know how you figured this out Steve, but you were right that this compound is dangerous.” Bruce looks back up from his notes. “I had Natasha check in at the hospital and the kids that had this stuff in their system were discharged yesterday. We’re monitoring their progress, but they should be back in school by Monday.”

“What are you monitoring for?” Bucky’s face takes up the screen for just a second before Banner is back up. Steve knows his face gets sappy, but can’t help it.

“We’re trying to see if there are any lasting effects. Clint is going to go in as a health professional and question them.” 

Clint comes on screen with arms in the air. “Yes! I get out of the van!” There’s a chuckle from everyone accept Fury.

“Banner will send you the questions that he needs answers to.” Fury looks seriously at the screen, not that he has any other look. “Stay on script, Barton.” There’s a little more laughter. “Okay people, that’s it. I need Rogers to stay on, but the rest of you are dismissed.” They wait for the other screens to close and then Fury looks at Steve. “It seems that you might have a little situation, Rogers.”

Steve tries to figure out how Fury would know about his conversations with Bucky. “Sir?”

“This Parker kid is getting a little close. I don’t need to remind you about his age do I?” 

Steve blushes and shakes his head. “No sir, you don’t. I haven’t done anything to garner his affection, but that doesn’t seem to matter. I’ll handle it.”

“Yes, you will, and do it soon.” The screen goes black and Steve sits back, taking a deep breath. His phone lights up with a text. It’s Peter, _‘there’s a dance a couple of weeks after the break, do you want to go with me?’_ Steve face palms. “Well fuck.” It’s after 11, so Steve doesn’t respond. He’ll deal with this tomorrow.

Before he goes to bed, he sends a text to Jane. _‘Peter just asked me to the dance. I need some help.’_ What he gets in response is a row of laugh/crying emojis. Jane and Bucky would get along great.

Friday morning dawns and Steve doesn’t feel well. It’s been a couple of days of sniffles, but that’s not what this is. He doesn’t get sick like he used to, but occasionally something will get him. He shakes things a lot faster now too, which is nice, but this morning, nothing is nice. “Fuck.”

Dragging himself into the bathroom, he lets the water wash over him and enjoys the heat. Once out, he decides that breakfast isn’t something he can deal with making, so he bundles up and heads down the street to the coffee shop. He isn’t expecting to run into Bucky, but he also shouldn’t be surprised because Bucky doesn’t do breakfast unless it’s purchased or Steve makes it for him. That’s why, as partners, Bucky picked Steve up every day because he knew there would be breakfast in it for him. “Mr. Rogers, nice to see…” Bucky freezes. “You’re sick.” Worry is evident and Steve appreciates the sentiment. 

Pulling Steve off to the side, he sits him at one of the small tables in a corner. “Yeah, but it’s nothing serious.”

Bucky’s hand goes immediately to Steve’s forehead. Leaning in, he grinds out. “You have a fever, Steve. You need to go home and get in bed.” Bucky looks up and around. “Better yet, I’ll take you to mine and call out for the day.” Same old Bucky, trying to take care of Steve even though he’s a grown ass man.

Steve reaches up, stopping Bucky with a hand on the man’s arm. “Buck, I can’t stay home. We’re in the middle of a mission.” Bucky looks like he’s going to argue. “You can’t call out either. We need to be on campus. Whoever these guys are, they’re upping their game and we need to be there.”

Bucky reaches up, cradling Steve’s face in his hands. “I just want to take care of you like I used to when we were kids.” Bucky’s thumbs stroke up and over Steve’s cheeks and he can’t help the blush.

They just stare at each other for a minute. “Let’s get some coffee and food so I can take my meds.”

“Okay, but I’m buyin’ and you ain’t gonna argue.” Bucky’s hand lands on Steve’s lower back. It sends a shiver up Steve’s spine that could just be the fever, but he suspects that it’s not.

“You’re lucky I’m sick.” Steve gets a separate order to go for Jane and Peter before heading back to the garage for his car. He doesn’t miss the frown that Bucky gives him for that, but he’s got friends. For now at least. Thank god the heater works in the Beetle.

By lunch Steve may be sick, but he knows something is going on. There’s a feeling on campus that’s oppressive and dark, but no one is talking about whatever it is. He joins Jane and Peter at the lunch table and sneaks more meds. “Are you okay?” Peter looks at him worried, so Steve knows he doesn’t look good.

Peter reaches across the table, putting a hand on Steve’s arm. “Yeah, just got up this morning not feeling too well.”

Getting up, Peter comes to Steve’s side of the table, the agent nearly jumps out of his skin when Peter presses his lips to Steve’s forehead. “Sorry, that’s how my aunt checks my temperature.” Steve holds still and Peter does it again. “Yeah, you’re running a little fever, babe. You should have stayed home.”

Peter doesn’t see it, but Jane gives Steve her narrow focused glare. “I’ll be okay.” Steve looks over at Jane. “Hey, has anyone asked you to the Winter Formal?” A change of subject is needed immediately.

The glare gets more intense. “No, so I won’t be going.”

Steve decides to use that information and looks over at Peter, nodding towards Jane and giving him a look. Peter doesn’t get it at first then he does. “Hey, you should go with us! Steve and I are going together and you should join us.” However, Peter does reach over and to take Steve’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Steve’s never been so uncomfortable in his life. Peter is ten years younger at least and the man that Steve loves is standing at the door on lunch duty. Bucky is watching everything with an eagle eye. Steve gives a tight shrug and Bucky’s eyes narrow even further.

Steve looks back at Jane, pleadingly. He’ll beg her if he has to or offer to buy her a dress suitable for the Winter Formal, anything to get her to take the heat off of him. “Oh yeah! That would be fun! Thanks for the invite.”

Peter grins and starts to get up. “I’m going for more juice.” He looks down at Steve. “And I’m getting you more too because you need to stay hydrated.” He bounces away and Steve lays his head on the table, groaning out his frustration at this situation.

“What am I going to do? He’s jail bait for me, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s a good kid.” Jane snorts and Steve looks over, glaring at her. “You aren’t helping.”

“That boy has it bad for you.” She’s just about to say something else when Peter comes back over.

“Hey guys, you’re not going to believe this, but three more students ended up in the hospital.” Steve’s all ears now and turns to look at Peter. This is why the day has seemed so off and why the teachers have been quieter than normal. “Yeah, two of the cheerleaders and one of the basketball players. Oh, and there’s a fourth one missing.”

Steve stands as Bucky’s half of lunch duty is over and he heads out of the room. “Shit! I forgot that I have tutoring with Mr. Barnes.”

Peter stands too. “Do you want me…”

“No, you stay here with Jane, I don’t want to leave her by herself.” Peter nods, smiling at him and leans in to kiss Steve’s cheek. Jane starts to snigger and Steve shoots another glare at her, heading after Bucky.

Walking into Bucky’s classroom is like walking to his death. He knows that Bucky’s annoyed by the display of affection from Peter, but there’s also a little part of Steve that’s enjoying it. Does he know that he shouldn’t feel that way, sure, but he never got this kind of attention when he was in school. Steve chastises himself for that, but after years of watching Bucky and everyone that’s ever thrown themselves at him, Steve’s getting a taste of what that’s like. Bucky turns when the door opens and takes a deep breath. “Steve, you gotta do something about that kid.” His teeth are clinched and Steve realizes just how much this is bothering his friend. What he doesn’t know is why.

Steve snorts a laugh. “Why are you acting so threatened?”

Hands on his hips, Bucky lowers his head. “I’m feeling territorial.” He raises his hands to stop Steve’s next words. “I know that makes me an asshole, but…”

Steve closes the door and lowers the shade. He’s not dealing with this now. “We have three more overdoses from this drug and a missing kid.” Changing the subject is best for both of them, so Steve tries to be the mature one. What he really wants is to snuggled under a blanket or two for the rest of the day…and maybe tomorrow too.

Bucky wraps his arms around Steve and rubs up and down his back. “Yeah, I heard that too. If this drug does what Banner says, that missing kid could be in trouble. I just don’t understand the why. Why design a drug that does this?”

“I’ll do some poking around and ask some of the students about it. You see what you can find out from the teachers. See if these kids are connected in any way to each other and to the original victims.” Steve nearly falls asleep standing up and if not for his friends steady arms, he probably would. “When I feel like this I miss my Ma.” Stepping back, Steve rubs his face and sighs.

Bucky huffs and watches his friend’s face. “Steve, if I thought we could get away with it, I’d take you home tonight.” They just stand there, not knowing what else to say. It’s so familiar because Bucky was always there when Steve was sick as a kid. “Was that kid really taking your temperature like my ma used to?”

Steve laughs. “Yeah, he said it’s how his aunt does it to him.”

“Yeah right! He just wanted to get his lips on you.” Steve rubs his face again. He hates being sick and he hates that he misses all those times his Ma and Bucky would sit next to his bed and tell him funny stories to make him feel better.

Bucky reaches up, tapping the com. “Clint?”

“Yeah buddy, what’s up?”

“Steve’s sick. Can you make sure he’s got more meds and some soup for when he gets home?” Steve whines, but lets Bucky take care of him the best that he can in their current situation.

“I’m on it. Tell him it will be at the apartment when he gets home.”

“Thanks man.”

They don’t get anything from talking to the teachers or the students. No one seems to know anything about it and it’s obvious that it’s starting to affect the student population. During Bucky’s class, Steve groups himself with Allie and the same girl from before, who he finally knows to be Kate. They tell Steve about the other victims and are both surprised by drug overdoses.

“Listen Steve, it’s not that kids here don’t do drugs, I mean we are in high school, but those kids, they don’t.” Allie looks over at Kate who’s nodding along.

“See, not everyone here is as smart as we are, so they are hoping for athletic scholarships. Doing drugs and overdosing, isn’t something that any of them would do.” Kate looks at Allie and Steve swears the two must share a brain at how in tune they are with each other. The last bell rings and Steve drags himself from the room and out to his car.

Bucky goes into the teacher’s lounge after work to get a soda and can hear teachers talking in the copy room. The door is slightly ajar and because the copier is running, they don’t hear him come in. “I’m telling you, that blond kid is perfect for this.”

Bucky perks up at that. It could be teachers discussing something completely innocuous, but he’s trained to pay attention to this kind of conversation. “I agree and considering how much of a little asshole he is, it serves him right.”

“When do you want to do it?” There’s a chuckle that sounds anything, but pleasant.

“Today because the sooner he’s out of my class, the better.” Bucky hears the copier finish and goes for the door. By the time he’s halfway down the hallway, he turns back to see Rumlow and Pierce coming out. Steve’s right, those two are up to something and by the sound of it, these are the guys they’re after. Steve’s initial instinct about Pierce was right, but that isn’t a surprise. The problem is, he doesn’t have a name of this blond kid they’re talking about.

Tapping his com, back in his classroom, he takes a deep breath. “Thor?”

“Yes, my great and generous friend?”

Bucky rolls his eyes and snort. Thor is a doofus and Bucky loves him for that. “I think another kid is being targeted. I just heard something in the copy room between Pierce and Rumlow.”

“We will keep them under surveillance when they leave the school.”

“Thanks man. Did Clint get everything to Steve’s apartment?” Thor gives an affirmative. Leaning on his desk Bucky wishes he could go and check on his best friend, but if anyone were to see, the rumors would be damaging in a way that could scrub this whole mission. But, swear to god, if that Peter kid goes over, Bucky’s going to lose his damn mind.

Steve drags in the door that evening and wants to just collapse on the sofa and sleep, but he knows he’s got to eat to take the meds. Going into the kitchen, he finds the medicine with several different flavors of sports drinks, opening the fridge he finds two different kinds of soup. Tapping his com, he pours some of the drink into a glass and opens the meds. “Clint, you are my new favorite person.”

“SCORE!”

Clint’s enthusiasm makes Steve chuckles. “I’m going to take the meds, grab a shower and eat. Then I’m going to go to bed and die.”

“Nope, there will be no dying on this man’s watch.”

Steve piles up in bed after his shower, with soup and his laptop and starts hacking his way into the hospital files on the three latest victims. His com beeps and he unmutes it. “What’s up guys?”

“We have two bogey’s coming your way.”

“Thor? Where’s Clint and who’s on their way?” He puts the soup aside and closes his laptop.

“Clint’s on the tail of your science teacher and one of the coaches at your school. They’ve made it into your building.”

Steve goes to the closet and opens the floor safe, getting his gun and one of the knives. Slipping the gun into an ankle holster and the knife into his waistband, he closes the safe and heads into the living room. “Where are they Clint?”

There’s a knock on the window in the living room and Clint is hanging off the side of the fire escape. Steve goes to let him in. Grabbing his phone, he sends a quick text to Jane. _‘Pierce and Rumlow in my building. Backup in place.’_

“I’m going to set up out of sight in the kitchen. You armed?” Steve nods and Clint goes into the kitchen. The biggest issue that Steve has presently is that he’s slightly high on cold medicine. He’s as good a shot as anyone at SHIELD, but like this, he’s fuzzy. Thank god Clint is in the kitchen because that man never misses what he aims at.

There’s a knock on the door. Steve goes over, silently latching the chain and checking the deadbolts. “Who’s there?”

“Mr. Rogers, it’s Dr. Pierce. Jane sent me to check on you, she was worried.” Well, that’s a load of horseshit and Steve knows it. Looking down at his phone, he sees a message from Jane. _‘On my way to you.’_

Steve opens the door, but just cracked. “I’m sorry Mr. Pierce, but I’ve started running a fever, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave so you don’t get sick.”

Before Steve can close the door, something is sprayed in his face. Stumbling back, the door is kicked in by Coach Rumlow. Steve sneezes and then feels his head spinning. Pierce motions to Rumlow. “Get him tied up so we can get him out of here quietly. A little twink like him will go for millions.” 

Steve pulls the knife, but his aim is off because of his spinning head and he gets Rumlow in the left shoulder instead of the neck. Pierce comes at him, but Clint takes him out with a shot to the knee. The older man hits the floor howling. Rumlow turns to deal with Clint, but Steve pulls his gun, shooting the man in the leg and then falling to the floor. 

Bucky runs into the apartment, going straight to Steve, who is now in some kind of la la land of fuzzy, horny cloud. “Buck?” Steve’s never been this turned on in his life. Logically, what he has left of logic, tells him that it’s whatever he got sprayed with, but emotionally, he just wants Bucky as close as he can get him. He whimpers when Bucky leaves him and turns towards the two men that broke in.

Bucky’s got tears running down his face and goes over to Pierce, grabbing the man by his collar. “I oughta, shoot you in the head for this.” The guilt that Bucky feels for not protecting Steve after what he heard in the copy room is evident. Clint pushes him back over to Steve.

Clint’s putting zipties on both of the men and Thor shows up in the doorway with Jane. “Jesus, Steve!” Her eyes are wide and she’s nearly hyperventilating. 

Thor tries to distract her. “Now, young lady…”

Jane glares at him. “Fuck your young lady, I’m Agent Jane Foster of the CIA and Steve’s my friend, so get the hell out of the way because I know what’s in that compound.” Bucky cradling Steve to his chest and Steve’s doing everything in his power to climb inside Bucky’s shirt. “Steve, Steve…look at me.” Jane cups his face, trying to see how bad he was dosed. 

Steve’s eyes snap immediately to Jane. “Jaaaannne, look is Bucky…” Steve reaches up, patting Bucky’s shirt and grabbing his chest with a quiet moan.

Jane grins. “I see that and I’m going to assume that Mr. Barnes isn’t really a teacher otherwise you groping him isn’t a good idea.” 

Steve giggles and looks back up at Bucky. All he can think about is how pretty Bucky is and how much he wants to _do_ things with him. He reaches up and pats Bucky’s cheek. “So pretty.”

Bucky offers his hand. “I’m Agent Barnes. Steve and I are partners.”

Clint coughs behind them, but Jane very clearly hears the coughed ‘lovers.’

“Okay, well we need to get him on a saline IV because this is going to get worse before it gets better. I would recommend a sedative as well to get him through the worst of what it’s going to do.” Thor runs for the van where they have an advanced med kit. Within a few minutes, Jane is putting the IV in. “Okay, he can’t be left alone because he can go into convulsions. The IV needs to be changed out in a couple of hours. Anyone know how to do that?”

Bucky nods. “Yeah, I got it.” She’s going through the kit and looking for a sedative when Bucky reaches out to stop her. “He took cold medicine before they got here. I don’t want to give him that just in case.” Jane smiles warmly at him and nods, putting the sedative away.

She stands, looking back at Clint and Thor. “Who’s coming for these two?”

“We’ve got a tac team on the way for them.” Thor’s watching Jane like a hawk and it causes her to blush.

“Okay, well…I can’t be here when they get here, so I’m going to head out. My number is in his phone. I want updates. If he does start to convulse, you’ll have to get him to an ER.”

Bucky looks down at a now sleeping Steve. “How long will he be like this?”

“Depending on how much he inhaled, it could be a few hours or a few days.” She heads to the door. “Oh, and respect his condition and don’t tell him to do anything. He won’t be able to resist a direct order.” The three men know now how Steve knew about the compound. He got his information from Jane, who is apparently smarter than all of them combined.

Jane leaves and Bucky lifts Steve in his arms, setting the IV bag on Steve’s chest and gets him into the bedroom. The tac team arrives and takes the two bleeding men into custody while Clint and Thor clean up the scene. Bucky comes out of the bedroom. He looks pale and shaky. “Uh…can you two handle the call with Fury? I…I’m…”

Clint comes over, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “We got this. You take care of him.” Bucky goes back to the bedroom, brushing Steve’s hair back from his forehead and kisses him gently. 

Sometime around two, Steve starts shaking and sweating. Bucky wraps himself around his best friend, his partner, the love of his life and starts talking about nonsense. “I love you so much. I can’t believe they came after you. That scared the shit out of me just like when you were a kid and used to get sick. Jesus, Stevie, you can’t leave me before I even have you.”

The words that come out of Steve are slurred and he probably won’t remember any of this when he comes out of it. “You always had me, just didn’t know it.”

Bucky changes the IV soon after and crawls back in bed. “Ssssshhhh, just sleep for me.” Steve drifts off to sleep and Bucky silently cries into the pillow, cradling the smaller man.

He changes the IV again as the sun is coming up and Steve’s head lolls on the pillow, blinking his eyes open and smiling at Bucky. “Hey.”

Bucky’s on the edge of the bed, smiling down at him, but Steve knows that he looks like shit. Last night was the scariest thing that Bucky’s ever been through and Steve can see it on his face. “Hey, how do you feel?”

“Like I have a hangover. Can I get some water?” Bucky brings it back in as Steve is struggling to sit up. “What the hell is in that stuff?”

Bucky helps him and props pillows behind him so Steve’s more comfortable. “According to Bruce, the stuff they got you with was a bit different from the original. It has more of a kick. Plus you’d already taken cold medicine.”

Steve takes the glass with shaky hands. “It’s a good thing you were here. Th…that all of you were here.”

It’s takes a couple of days for Steve to fully recover and no one, including Jane, who comes over with food the night of the second day, thinks he should be concerned about anything except recovery. “You’re damn lucky with this whole thing, Steve.”

Bucky is in the kitchen with Clint, dishing up food while Thor watches Jane in a way that is decidedly not professional. “No kidding.” He looks over into the kitchen and sees Bucky watching him with a small, affectionate smile. “Did the complete blood work come back?”

Bucky comes in, handing Steve a plate and a bottle of water. “Your blood work, yes, but not the full break down on what they used on you. We think that you were hit with their latest batch. It’s stronger than the others, but also has something in it that Bruce thinks allows the drug to level out in the body so that it doesn’t cause an overdose.”

Steve takes a drink. “Awesome.” His sarcasm is clear. “So, where do we go from here? Did they ever find the missing kid?”

Jane gets up to get food and Thor follows her into the kitchen. “He’s still missing and that means something really bad could have happened.”

“Did we find out why Pierce created this?” Clint stops eating, so that means that Bucky’s question has a really disturbing answer.

Thor clears his throat. “They were creating it to drug the kids and sell them to the highest bidder.”

The room goes deathly quiet and Steve’s hands start to shake. Bucky takes his plate, sitting it on the coffee table. “That’s…that’s what they were going to do…”

Bucky cups his face, smiling softly at him. “There’s no way in hell that I would have let that happen.”

Clint looks up guilty. “I think it was partly my fault.” Everyone looks over at him. “I did too good of a job making you look like the perfect twink.”

There’s silence then raucous laughter. When Steve looks over at him, Clint winks. It’s Clint’s way of lightening the mood and getting Steve out of his head. All Steve knows right now is they have to find that kid.

It’s been four days since the attack and Jane can’t hold Peter off any longer. The team vacates the apartment and goes back to ‘normal’ or as normal as this mission can by at this point. Peter doesn’t show up alone though, May is with him carrying a container of soup. He lets them in and checks to makes sure there’s nothing out in the apartment that might give May Parker anything else to raise questions about. She puts the soup in the fridge and looks around at the clean kitchen. “You live cleaner than I thought a teenager would.”

Peter looks mortified. “Aunt May!”

“What? I’m just saying that I kinda expected it to look like a dorm room.” Steve chuckles and decides that he really likes this lady. “Nice to know I can still be surprised.”

Steve grins at her. “Thank you for the soup. It’s really kind of you.”

She pushes up her sleeves. “Now, I came to get you all squared away, so point me to the bedroom so I can get everything washed up.” 

Steve shakes his head. “Ma’am you really don’t have to do tha…”

She’s already headed down the hall and pushes open the bedroom door. “Nonsense, you don’t want to sleep in the same sheets after the flu. You could catch it again and the second time would be worse than the first.”

Steve looks over at Peter who shrugs. “Best if you just let her. Otherwise she’s going to hound you until you do it.”

She comes out a few minutes later with the sheets from the bed and towels from the bathroom. “Where’s the washer?”

Steve points into the kitchen and she’s off again. Peter just grins. “She loves having people to take care of, so just enjoy it.” 

May comes out after getting the washing started and goes to her purse. Pulling out money, she hands it to Peter. “Pete, go to the bodega and get more sports drinks.” Peter is out the door before Steve can even complain. May sits on the other end of the sofa and just stares at him for several minutes. Steve doesn’t like how this feels. “Now Mr. Rogers, I think you and I both know that something is a little off about you.”

“Ma’am, I really don’t know what you mean.” He really wishes that he had his com in so that he could get advice from Thor. That man could talk himself out of anything.

“Well, let me spell it out for you. I don’t think I’m getting the whole truth from you. Peter has nothing but nice things to say about you, but he has a crush on you. So, you can imagine how unreliable his opinion is.” Steve huffs and nods. “And the fact that you call me Ma’am tells me that you were raised right, but you’re emancipated which doesn’t fit.”

Steve looks up trying to see just how far she’s figured things out. “Mrs. Parker…”

“Don’t, just do me a favor and tell me this, are you running from someone? Did someone hurt you?” Steve feels his shoulders relax because she still thinks he’s a kid and that’s the best case scenario.

“Not exactly, Ma’am. My ma died not long ago and it didn’t go well after that.” She stares at him for a few more minutes then nods. In truth, it isn’t a lie. After his Ma died he really did go through a tough time and wouldn’t listen to anyone, not even Bucky. If not for Ma Winnie, he might have turned out a lot different.

“Okay then, just as long as you’re okay.” Peter comes back not long after and while the clothes finish, the three of them talk. With May there, Peter isn’t as affectionate as he would normally be, which is good for Steve. After spending three days with Bucky constantly with him, he doesn’t think he can handle someone else touching him like that. It didn’t mean to Bucky what it meant to Steve, but it’s still fresh.

The Thanksgiving break comes to an end and they return to the mission. Fury decided to keep them undercover to find out if any of the other teachers are involved and to see if they can get a line on the missing kid. They have to find him, but no one seems to know anything about where he was or who he might have been with. According to the kid’s friends, he left the school just like every other day and according to his parents, never made it home. Steve tries hacking the NYSDOT cameras and looks through hours of footage of the day the kid disappeared.

The substitute for Pierce’s science class doesn’t really understand the material, so between Jane and Peter they take over to help. Steve loves watching them teach together because they find funny ways to convey the material, not to mention how they pick on each other. Steve has a hard time in Bucky’s class because the way that Bucky took care of him in the days following the attack meant more to the blond than he’s willing to admit. The few times that Bucky’s looked over while teaching, he’s seen Steve’s soft smile and stumbled over his words. Allie and Kate find this hysterically funny and tease Steve about it.

Friday has become the conference time for the team and Jane has joined them for those. “Barnes, you get anything from the teacher end of this?” The computer is open and Barnes’s face takes up the screen.

Clint snuck into Steve’s apartment earlier in the day and left a six pack of beer for Steve and a bottle of wine for Jane. Bucky was told to avoid going to Steve’s apartment just in case, so he hasn’t been back since Steve was attacked. “It appears that everyone is just as shocked about this and no one is acting suspicious. What about the students?”

Steve comes into the room, carrying another beer and the wine bottle. Jane holds her glass up and he refills it while she goes over what students are saying. “The only weird thing is this missing kid doesn’t seem to fit their pattern. The other students were all part of the athletic program in one way or another, but Tyler isn’t. He’s dean’s list kind of smart and didn’t participate in anything extra-curricular that wasn’t academic.”

“Are we getting anything more from Pierce and Rumlow?” Steve would very much like to have a private conversation with each of them, but Bucky has been adamant that Steve doesn’t go anywhere near them, even when this mission is over. 

“Pierce hasn’t been very forthcoming with information, he thinks he’s smarter than everyone in DC, but Rumlow swears that he doesn’t know what happened to the kid. His part of it was just muscle.” Steve hums and looks over at the clock. Clint seems to have realized too that it’s past midnight. “Why don’t we revisit this tomorrow?”

They all sign off and Steve looks over at Jane. He wonders what she would think about coming to work for SHIELD because they’d be lucky to have her. She looks over, grinning. “So, you going to tell me about your partner or am I going to have to make something up in my head?”

Steve tells her about the whole situation and can’t help the blush that covers his face. Leaning back on the sofa, he stares up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when all this is over.”

“Well, if what I saw that day you were attacked is anything to go by, he’s feeling something beyond friendship.” Jane sleeps on the sofa that night and Steve curls up in bed thinking about what Jane said. The problem is, Steve doesn’t remember anything after shooting Rumlow, so he has no basis for what she’s saying.

The issue with going back undercover after the attack for Steve is that he views the whole situation differently. He still doesn’t like that he looks young enough to play the part of a teenager, but now he has a respect for these kids. Midtown is the best and the brightest and since this whole thing blew up and the kids realized that two of their teachers were behind it, there’s a quietness in the hallways and suspicion for those that they trusted. Teachers are there to protect them, nurture them, and now they’re the enemy. Most of the students are still respectful, but won’t go to tutoring alone and won’t stay after school unless it’s a group activity.

It makes Steve sad that the students feel they have to protect themselves against the faculty. At lunch on the Monday before the break, Steve leaves Jane and Peter in the lunch room and makes his way to Pierce’s office. Getting out of Peter’s sight has been more difficult than normal even though the young man doesn’t know that Steve was attacked. He still thinks that Steve had the flu and Jane said to keep it that way. He’s going through Pierce’s computer when the door creeks open and Peter sticks his head around the corner. “What are you doing?” Peter sounds panicked and Steve looks like a deer caught in headlights.

Jane was supposed to keep the boy busy while Steve did his job. Taking a shaky breath, Steve reaches up discreetly and taps his com to turn it on. Clint comes on the line. “What’s up, oh great and knowledgeable computer wizard?”

Steve works really hard so that he doesn’t roll his eyes at that. “Peter, listen man, they don’t know anything about why Pierce was doing this, so I thought I’d look around.”

Clint huffs. “Well hell, didn’t expect your boyfriend to follow you in.”

Steve closes his eyes, sighing. “I’m just going to look around a little.” Then he has an idea. “Watch the door and if anyone heads this way, let me know.”

Peter looks torn between what he knows is right and wanting to help Steve and the agent can see the conflict. “You shouldn’t be doing this. It’s why we have police.”

“Yeah, but have you seen any police on campus? Have you seen anyone trying to figure out why this happened and how Pierce even got a job here?” Peter shakes his head. It’s a cheap shot because there wouldn’t be police since this is a SHIELD op and the locals know that.

“Okay fine! But just hurry.” Peter turns back to the door and opens it just a crack.

Steve’s fingers start flying over the keys and before long he’s broken through the firewalls that Pierce set up. “This guy thinks he’s smart, but he doesn’t understand that I’m smarter.” He starts searching the hidden folders on the computer and comes up with three locations that are possibilities. “I think I have something.” Peter turns around, but Steve’s really talking to his team, who are all on the com now, including Bucky.

“What did you find?” Peter comes around the computer and looks at what Steve’s found.

Bucky’s voice sounds strained. “What is that kid doing in there with you?” And if Steve isn’t mistaken, Bucky sounds…jealous. He also doesn’t miss the sniggering from Clint and Thor.

He’d forgotten that Jane was wearing a com too until her voice breaks in. “Relax. I tried to keep Peter occupied, but he insisted that Steve wasn’t well enough yet to be out in the hall on his own.”

Steve huffs because it’s been weeks since he was sick and Peter is acting like he’s an invalid. Looking up, he sees Peter reading what’s on screen. Clicking print, without even looking at the keyboard, Steve squeaks when Peter leans in and kisses him. “I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile. I hope it’s okay.”

Steve stares blankly up at the young man leaning over his shoulder and suddenly Bucky’s voice breaks the ocean that’s roaring through Steve’s brain. “Did he just kiss you? Are you kidding me?!”

Steve leans over, taking the printed files from the tray, and jumps up. “Uh…we should get back before someone catches us.” Peter blushes with a shy smile and follows Steve out of the office. Instead of going to his next class after lunch, Steve heads out the side door of the building and goes to the van across the street. Opening the back door, Thor and Clint are both grinning at him. “Shaddup you two and let’s look through this.”

He makes it to the last period of the day with a good idea of where the missing kid could be, but Thor wanted to check the surrounding location to confirm what they will be walking into. When he walks into English class, Bucky is scowling at the class. Steve slides into his seat and lowers his head. Bucky gives instructions on the day’s assignment and then sits down behind his desk, frowning at the papers in front of him. As the last bell rings, Bucky’s head shoots up like he didn’t even realize how much time had passed. “Mr. Rogers, can you stay for a few minutes?”

Steve’s shoulders sag and he turns back. “Yes sir.” Jane and Peter come to the door, but Steve shakes his head and they head out of the school to wait at his car. After everyone is gone and the door closes, Steve looks over at his partner. “Look, I’m sorry, but he did it and I didn’t know that he was going to do it.” 

Bucky walks passed him as he’s talking and Steve watches him close, lock and pull the blinds down on the door. The room is deathly silent, so when Bucky walks over to the windows and lowers those blinds as well, Steve thinks he’s about to get a dressing down. Instead, Bucky barrels towards him, taking Steve’s face in his hands and leans in. “You’re mine!” Their lips make contact and Steve’s brain goes off line.

Years of trying to imagine what this moment would be like and it’s nothing like Steve thought. Bucky kisses with his entire body. His hands slide down Steve’s arms and slip down to his lower back, pulling him against the bigger man. Steve’s arms find their way around Bucky’s neck and he presses himself against the man he’s loved for too many years to think about. When Bucky lifts his head, he doesn’t pull away, just lays his forehead against Steve’s. To say that he’s dazed would be an understatement for Steve. “Wow.” Bucky’s quiet laugh is the only response he gets. “I really didn’t know he was going to kiss me.”

Bucky growls at that and connects their lips again. Steve loses track of time and would spend the rest of his life just kissing Bucky. When Bucky’s head pulls away again he sees the glassy look in Steve’s eyes. “You alright there, Steve?”

Steve sways in and rests his head on Bucky’s chest. “Yeah…yeah…just give me a minute.” There’s a chuckle from the taller man and then a head resting on top of Steve’s own.

“I don’t mean to be possessive, but hearing someone else kiss you…it was just too much.” Bucky sighs and Steve enjoys feeling the rise and fall of Bucky’s chest. 

“I better go.” He pulls away and Bucky nods with that smirk that Steve’s seen one too many times to take comfort in. It’s the one he uses to get someone into bed. It’s the one that means…it means this was just another game. “We have to go through those files tonight.” Steve gives a nod and heads out the door more confused than when he walked into the room. He stops just outside the building, leaning on the wall. Bucky’s just trying to stake his claim to Steve’s attention.

Jane shows up at Steve’s around seven and as soon as she comes in, Steve points at her com. She reaches up, turning it off and putting it on the side table. “What’s up?”

“I need someone to talk to and…” His hands are shaking and she comes over hugging him. Something about kissing Bucky today sits uncomfortable in Steve’s stomach. During the kiss he couldn’t think, but after, a yawning black hole started developing in the pit of his stomach. The more he thought about it, the stranger Bucky’s behavior was. For Steve it was the culmination of years of longing, fantasies, and an overwhelming love. For Bucky it seemed like alpha dog behavior.

“It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.” She gets water from the kitchen and orders him to drink it. They sit on the sofa and she watches him. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Steve gets up and goes to the window, staring out at the neighborhood, unseeing. “Would you mind if I just talk for a few minutes?” He turns to see her nod. “Okay, I’ve been in love with him since I was…I don’t know…probably 12.” Steve turns back to stare outside again. “Sometimes when you love someone and they don’t know it, you build it up in your head to be more than it really is. Today, after school, he kissed me.” There’s a quiet squeal from the sofa and Steve huffs. “Yeah, and it was good. Better than good. For me at least. It was better than the fantasies that I’ve had about that moment. But…” Steve takes a deep breath and looks down at the floor.

Suddenly, there’s a hand on his shoulder. “But?”

“He didn’t seem as affected as me.” He looks up, teary eyed and sniffles. “I mean in that second, he could have asked me for anything and I would have done it. I think…fuck…I think he is just trying to make sure I don’t leave him.”

Jane hugs him again. “Different people react differently to situations. You don’t really know what was going on inside of him.”

“No, but I know how it felt. And it wasn’t romantic for him, it was…jealous and possessive.” Jane looks concerned about that and Steve just sighs and lets it go for now. They don’t talk about it anymore, but Jane watches him as they conference with the rest of the team. He looks…defeated. But, ever the professional, Steve talks through the three locations and they make a plan to go in the following day. They sign off and Steve sends a message to Peter that he’s not going to be able to pick him up the following morning. Jane tells him to give the excuse that he’s got a follow-up appointment with his doctor. She stays on the sofa that night and Steve lays in bed, unable to sleep, and wonders if Bucky feels possessive, not because he loves Steve, but because he doesn’t want to lose something they’ve always had, the closeness of their friendship.

By morning, they have three tac teams at the locations. Jane can’t be part of it because she’s not SHIELD, so she man’s the van with Thor. Thor watches her and she gives him side glances now and then. “Not sure why you keep watching me, big man.”

Thor huffs and leans back in his chair. “When this is over, would you like to go to dinner with me?”

Jane looks over, grinning. “Yeah…yeah, I really would.” She gets a beaming smile from him and he goes back to work.

Steve comes on the com and sounds about as tired as Jane knows that he is. “Okay, we’re in place.” The other teams sound off with an affirmative. 

Thor watches his team and knows that something is up with Steve, but the smaller man is a consummate professional and makes sure that everyone is informed. “It seems to me that Steven is not well this morning.”

Jane looks down at the blueprints of the building that Steve’s team is going into and freezes for a few seconds at Thor’s words. “What do you mean? He’s fine.”

“I have known Steven since he joined SHIELD and what I’m seeing today is not what I am used to.” Jane doesn’t answer, but does nod. “You are a good friend, protecting him.”

The mission finishes when they find the kid, caged and drugged in one of the locations. Steve rides with him to the hospital while Clint goes to get the kid’s family and drives them over. Steve doesn’t leave the hospital until late that night. Once back at his apartment, he checks his phone and sees that Peter has called repeatedly. Sitting heavily on the sofa, he leans his head back. The kid is safe and the bad guys are going to prison, so it’s a good day. He just wishes that it felt like a good day.

Tomorrow he has to talk to Peter and tell him that Steve Rogers is moving back to Michigan because he refuses to leave and not tell the kid something. So, tomorrow is going to suck too. Dragging himself into the shower, he knows that he has to write up his report, but he just doesn’t want to tackle that yet. He lets the hot water wash away a shit day. A day, like the day he was attacked, that he got up close and personal with what evil looks like. They were able to trace the ‘buyer’ for the kid and Fury sent a team to arrest him too. The henchmen keeping the kid drugged and caged were also arrested with violent prejudice.

Steve turns his phone off and crawls in bed. He’ll worry about the report later. The following morning he’s up before the sun and showers again thinking about this mission. It’s been a shit show for him since the first day and the only reason he got through it was because he had Jane…and Peter. Dressing in his regular clothes, not what Clint put in the closet, he heads to Peter’s apartment. When this is done, he’ll go back and pack what he needs and drive home to DC with Clint and Thor. Bucky has been on coms with Fury and Hill since they finished the rescue yesterday, so Steve doesn’t have to worry about that for a little while at least.

Parking on the street, he heads into the building. There’s no way in hell he’s going to leave and not give this kid an explanation that’s better than ‘I’m moving back to Michigan.’ Without him and Jane this could have been Steve’s worst nightmare. He thought about it all night and he trusts Peter with his secret. Checking the time, it’s just after seven, so he knocks and hopes that he’s not waking anyone up. The door swings open and May stands, looking him up and down, and quirking an eyebrow. “Steve, what brings you here so early?”

“I need to talk to Peter.” He looks down at the hallway floor. “And you.” She swings the door open further and he steps in. She goes off to wake Peter. When the younger man shuffles around the corner and sees Steve, he smiles.

This is going to be way harder than Steve thought. “Would you two like some coffee?”

Both of them nod and May indicates they should sit down at the table. Once she sits too, Steve takes a deep breath. Looking over at Peter, the boy seems confused. “What I’m about to tell you can’t leave this apartment. If you talk about it to anyone, I could lose my job.”

“You don’t have a job, Steve.” Peter starts to reach over and Steve pulls his hands away and puts them in his lap.

May’s lips become a thin line and she glares at him. “Who are you?”

Steve closes his eyes and sighs. “My name _is_ Steve Rogers, but I’m not a high school student. I’m an agent with SHIELD. I was put at Midtown to find out who was making this drug and what they were doing with it.”

Peter sits back in his chair, staring at Steve with his mouth hanging open. “Y-you’re not…”

Steve looks apologetically at him. “No, I’m not. I’m 28, I just happened to look the part. That’s why they picked me.”

May’s glare hasn’t changed. “Was the school aware of this?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, we couldn’t let anyone know or they might have let it slip to the wrong person.” Steve shifts and looks directly at Peter. “You have to understand, my first time through high school was a nightmare. Being smaller than I am now, I was a target for every bully. I spent more time with a black eye than I like to talk about and I hated this assignment when it happened. Then I met you and Jane and everything was different. I got through this because of you and I hate myself for letting everything get the way it did.”

Peter looks up, tears in his eyes and that’s even worse for Steve. “Did you get the people that were doing this? All of them? And did you find Tyler?”

Steve smiles. “Yeah, we got everyone and we found Tyler yesterday. He’s going to be okay, but it’s going to take some time. Peter, you made me feel like I mattered and,” He looks up at May and hopes she doesn’t slug him for this, “if I were really in high school and you liked me, I’d be damn lucky to have that affection.” May’s glare softens. “I was ordered to tell you that I was moving back to Michigan, but I just couldn’t do that to you. You were…are…too important for that kind of lie.”

Peter’s staring down at his hands in his lap and sniffles. “I guess that dance on Friday isn’t going to happen.”

“Unfortunately, I have to get back to DC today.” Peter nods and Steve stands and heads out of the kitchen. “Hey Pete.” The young man looks up and Steve tries to smile. “I wish that I had your confidence when it comes to matters of the heart. You know yourself better than I ever did at your age and even now.” He doesn’t want to drag it out, so Steve leaves and heads back to his apartment. Packing everything that he brought with him, he heads down to the van. Clint drives and Steve stretches out on the bunk above the computers.

By the time they’re back in DC it’s not even noon. They drop Steve at his apartment where he showers and changes into a suit. Back at the office, he closes his office door, leaves the blinds closed, and only turns on his desk lamp. Logging onto his computer, he starts the report, by the time he’s done it’s nearly nine and the office is almost empty. Just as he’s getting ready to leave, there’s a light knock on the door. “Come in.” The last thing he wants to do is deal with anyone and when the door opens and he sees Natasha, he sure as hell doesn’t want to deal with her. “Agent Romanov.”

She sits in the chair in front of his desk and smirks at him. “Agent Rogers, how did everything go?”

He knows that she’s trying to figure out what happened with Bucky. Part of Steve still believes that he’s the butt of her jokes and smirks because she knows about his feelings. “I turned in my report, so feel free to read that.” Grabbing his coat, he heads to the door. “Turn the light off when you leave.”

“That’s all you’re going to say? That drug must have be something else. According to Clint, it really got you revved up.” She’s chuckling and Steve can feel his neck get red. Steve still doesn’t remember anything from that night, so she knows more than he does and that sits uncomfortably.

“Is there a reason you’re in here? Is it just to annoy me or are you trying to find out if something happened between me and your boyfriend?” He’s out of his office and at the lift before she can respond. As he boards the lift, he catches her eyes and she’s actually stunned. As childish as it is, Steve’s glad. Maybe now, she’ll just leave him alone and go about her affairs. He hasn’t looked at his phone and doesn’t think he can deal with anyone else right now, so he hails a cab and stares out the window on the way home.

He makes a decision and sends an email to Hill and Fury. Christmas is next week and he’s got days piled on top of days that he’s never used, so he’s going to use them now to get his head on straight. Bucky will be back in DC tomorrow and will probably want to talk, but Steve’s not in the right head space for that. He takes something to help him sleep and lays in bed thinking about a couple of loose ends that he needs to tie up.

By morning he’s got the confirmation that his personal leave has been approved and Hill adds that it’s only because he got his report in so fast. She adds a note to enjoy his extended leave and that he earned it. Digging into the back of his closet, he finds his really nice suit, not one that he wears often and spent much too much money on, but he looks really good in it. He goes to pack. 

If he times this right he’ll be leaving DC about the time that Bucky returns. Steve Rogers doesn’t run away from a fight, but he also knows what he can and can’t handle. When he was younger, that wasn’t the case, but now, especially with everything going on in his head, he knows that he can’t deal with Bucky yet. It’s possible for the first time in his life, he’s being a coward.

His fear is that once they are back in the office, going about their normal life, Bucky will realize that the kiss was a mistake. He needs to give Bucky the chance to do that and not be in his face. He trusts Bucky more than anyone in the world, but he also knows that Bucky has trouble with change in his personal life. He needs to give his best friend a chance to find his way through that mistake and to give Bucky time to come to grips with the idea that maybe, just maybe, his possessiveness with Steve that day was a misstep.

Once he’s back in New York, he checks into a hotel and heads back out. Thank god he doesn’t have to drive that Beetle anymore and feels no shame in the very nice Audi that he owns. He shops for presents for the people in his life and doesn’t miss how he gets several looks from men while he eats lunch in a nice restaurant. If this relationship isn’t what Bucky wants, Steve will spend some time mourning that and then, maybe, try to have a life with someone else.

The following morning, he makes his way into Brooklyn and stops in at a florist to pick up flowers. At the cemetery, he makes his way to his ma’s grave. He wanted to come see her during the mission, but didn’t have the time. He has time now and he needs to see her. 

“Hey ma. It’s been awhile and I’m sorry for that.” He places the flowers in the vase by her headstone, spreads his coat out, and sits down on the ground. It’s cold, but he doesn’t notice because his heart is hurting more than the cold ground and the thick cable-knit sweater that he’s wearing affords him warmth. “I needed someone to talk to and you’re it.” He tells her about the mission, about Peter and Jane and then about Bucky. “He’s always been so charming, so confident in relationships and I’m just…not those things. You know I’ve felt this way about him for so long that I’m not sure who I am without that. I want to be what he wants, but that day when he kissed me it was like any other kiss to him, but I think my brain actually whited-out, ma. Like it was…fuck… _everything_. What if he’s just afraid to lose me as a partner? What if _that kiss_ didn’t mean anything?”

“Then you don’t know a damn thing, Rogers.” Steve twists around to find Bucky standing near a tree that gives Sarah’s grave shade in the summer. Pushing off the tree, Bucky makes his way over and sits next to Steve. “Let me tell you something, Miss Sarah, your boy is dumb as a goddamn rock. If he thinks I wasn’t affected by that kiss, he doesn’t know anything. My knees nearly gave out and I knew right then that I am going to marry him one day soon.”

Steve looks over, seeming unsure. “Really?”

“Yes, really, you idiot.” Bucky turns, taking Steve’s hands. “Listen, kissing you was life changing for me because we both know that I’ve kissed my fair share of people.”

“And then some.” Bucky snorts and shoves at Steve’s shoulder.

“And then some, but I’ve never kissed anyone and felt my whole world come into focus. It’s not just to keep you as my partner, it’s to keep you as mine. If you still want to have a new partner, I’m okay with that because I’ll get to come home to you every night. You _are_ what I want, what I’ve always wanted, what I will always need. I love you and I mean I _really_ love you.”

“I love you too, Buck.” Bucky leans in, kissing Steve lightly. “What are you still doing in New York?”

“Natasha texted me and said that you’d taken some time off. I thought you might come here.” Then Bucky smirks. “I took a little time off too. Got my report done last night since everyone else was already on their way back to DC. So, I have five days to do…whatever I want.” Bucky stands, pulling Steve with him, wrapping his arms around the blond, he leans in to kiss him again. It’s not the possessive thing from his classroom, it’s soft, gentle in a way that Steve truly dreamed about. It’s…love.

“I got a hotel room.” Bucky waggles his eyebrows at Steve and Steve blushes fiercely. “But I’ve got something I need to do tonight and you may not like it.” Bucky picks up Steve’s coat, shaking it out and helping him into it.

Steve heads to the car, dragging Bucky with him. “What are you doing tonight?”

“I’m going to the dance to see Peter.” Bucky freezes and releases Steve’s hand. He turns back to see Bucky frowning and trying to form words. “Listen, that kid is good and decent and I owe him a dance for being my friend and never judging me even after he found out who I really am.”

Steve’s almost to the car when Bucky calls. “Wait! You told him who you really are?” Steve chuckles and slide into the driver’s seat. Bucky jumps in looking at Steve for answers.

“I even brought my good suit.” Bucky looks over, lips in a thin line and Steve knows he wants to protest, but also knows Steve well enough to know that it’s the quickest way to piss the blond off.

The dance is in full swing when Steve walks in, scanning the crowd for Peter. He spots him in a far corner, sitting with some of his friends, people that Steve never met because he was too closed off. As he makes his way over, students that he recognizes, step back staring at him. He’s definitely not the hipster twink they saw in the hallways or in classes. He may only be 5’7” and he may only weigh 120 pounds, but in this suit and the knowledge that he truly is a badass agent, Steve Rogers garners attention. He even hears a few students give appreciative whistles.

Someone at the table elbows Peter, who looks over at them and then follows their eye line to Steve. His eyes widen and he sweeps up and down Steve’s body. Swallowing hard, he stands almost knocking the chair over. “Hey, Pete.”

“Steve?” He comes over, making no secret about how good he thinks Steve looks. “What are you doing here?”

Steve glances over and sees Bucky talking to the DJ and a nice, slow song comes on. “You asked me to dance and I owe you that.” Holding out his hand, Steve raises an eyebrow in challenge. “It’s up to you.”

Peter takes his hand and Steve leads him onto the dance floor. “Thank you.”

Steve wraps his arms around Peter’s waist and smiles. “What for?”

“For telling me the truth and for this.” Peter lays his head on Steve’s shoulder and they sway to the music. Steve looks over Peter’s head at Bucky, who obviously doesn’t like what he’s seeing, but also understands that Steve hates unfinished business.

When they return to the hotel that night, Bucky backs Steve into the corner of the lift. “That is the last time you dance with anyone except me. That kid was looking at you like…”

“Like he loved me and in a few weeks he’ll think he loves someone else. What matters is that I love you and always will.” Bucky melts a little at that. Steve draws him down, whispering in his ear. “I went out this afternoon and got a few things.”

Bucky pulls back, smirking down at him. “Oh yeah, what did you get?”

“Well, there’s the condoms, which at some point I don’t want to have to use, but with your track record, better safe than sorry.” Bucky’s face flushes and Steve barks out a laugh. “I got lube and since I’m not sure how patient you’ll be once you find out I’m a virgin, I got a…plug.”

Bucky’s face does a number of interesting things at those pieces of information, starting with incredulous. “You’re…you…you haven’t…” Steve shakes his head and blushes. Then, Bucky’s face scrunches up in confusion. The lift doors open and Steve strides out with confidence. “Wait! How’s a plug going to…”

Steve turns around and smirks with a wink. “I’m wearing it, Barnes.” The doors almost close on Bucky because he’s frozen in place letting that information sink in, but once he snaps out of it, he’s running down the hall trying to catch up to Steve.

Inside the room, Bucky tackles Steve to the bed. “Are you telling me that all the way through dinner then watching you dance with that kid, you had a plug up your ass?”

Bucky’s trying to get his fingers to work and undo Steve’s tie and shirt, while Steve is giggling at Bucky’s frustration. “Yes, that’s what I’m telling you. Now,” He takes Bucky’s face in his hands, “You are going to fulfill every one of my fantasies tonight, Barnes.”

“Oh baby, they aren’t just your fantasies.”

Seven Years Later

Steve blinks his eyes open and stretches all the kinks out of his back and shoulders. He’s sore, but in that really good way that makes the aches okay. Grinning to himself, he sits up, finding Alpine on the end of the bed, staring at him. “Where’s your daddy, sweet girl?”

She ambles up the bed and gets in Steve’s lap, purring contentedly as he pets her. The door eases open and Bucky sees him sitting up. Opening the door all the way, he leans against the doorframe, smiling. “I thought you would still be asleep.”

“What are you doing up so early? You don’t have to go in today.” Bucky strides across the room, crawling onto the bed, laying his head in Steve’s lap next to the dozing cat.

“I wanted to make you breakfast before you leave and since it’s our anniversary, I want you to eat it in bed.” Steve chuckles as Bucky closes his eyes to enjoy his husband’s fingers running through his hair. “Oh, and before you talk about not having time to go for your run, you can skip it today.”

“Oh really? You just made that executive decision?” Bucky nods and hums. “So where’s this breakfast you say I have to eat in bed?” Bucky jumps up and heads out of the room. Steve can’t help the chuckle because his husband turned out to be the most romantic man Steve’s ever known. Sometimes he’ll just get flowers at the office for no other reason that Bucky wanted to say ‘I love you’ or he’ll come home and find a candlelit dinner waiting. In all those years, with all of those other people, Bucky never did things like this. When Steve asked, his husband simply said that no one was worth it except Steve.

As Steve finishes getting ready, slipping his suit jacket on, Bucky comes up behind him wrapping his arms around Steve from behind. “Tell those new recruits that they have to do everything you say because your husband said so.”

Steve snorts and turns in Bucky’s arms. “I’m sure they don’t care that you think I’m a good mentor.”

Bucky leans in, kissing Steve gently. “I’ll meet you at Floriana tonight?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Steve’s out the door a few minutes later. He knows that Bucky has something special planned tonight that’s not just dinner at their favorite restaurant, but he’s not asked. Whatever his husband of five years has planned, Steve will love it. He quickly checks the glovebox to ensure that the gift he got Bucky is still there.

The office is always in an uproar when it’s new recruit time and Jane meets him in the parking garage with his tablet and the day’s agenda. “Happy Anniversary, partner.” When Fury found out about Steve and Bucky’s relationship, he’d insisted that they have new partners. Luckily, Jane did join SHIELD and has been a godsend for Steve. They bonded over their mutual dislike of being put back in high school and a mutual respect for the other’s abilities.

Steve grins, while looking at the tablet. “Thank you. How does this group look?”

Jane’s got that smile that she gets when Steve’s going to either be surprised and pleased or surprised and horrified. She had the same one the night that Bucky proposed and he hasn’t quite forgiven her for kicking him off the op they were on so that it didn’t ruin all of Bucky’s plans. “I think you’re going to be surprised by this group.”

He doesn’t have time to comment when the lift opens and Steve makes his way to the conference room. Jane goes to the computer to bring up the standard slides and starts passing out the tablets assigned to each recruit. Once Steve has his jacket off, he looks up at the group. His eyes fly open and he looks over at Jane, who can’t keep the giggle inside. “Pete?”

Peter Parker sits at the end of the table, grinning at Steve. Making his way over, Steve pulls the kid up and hugs him. “Hey Steve.”

They kept in touch after the mission in New York, emailing and texting. At first it drove Bucky insane, but Steve assured him that friends were friends and that’s all that Peter would ever be. He knew that Peter got accepted to MIT before Aunt May, that he got degrees in robotics and biometric engineering, and that he currently has a boyfriend named Harley, who Steve is pretty sure Pete is going to marry. Pulling back, Steve looks at Peter smiling face and also notes that the rest of the recruits are looking at them confused. “This is what you decided to do with your education?”

Peter laughs, hugging Steve again. “Once upon a time, I met this really nice guy that was a SHIELD agent and I wanted to grow up to be just like him.”

“Screw that, you’ll be better than he ever was.” That makes Jane and Peter laugh. Turning back to the rest of the room, Steve clicks the first slide. “Okay, let’s get this orientation crap done so we can get to the fun stuff.” The whole room laughs at that and Jane goes to stand behind Peter’s chair with her hands on his shoulders. Steve doesn’t care what anyone else in the room thinks, Peter Parker is going to do great things for SHIELD and make his Aunt May proud.

That night, Steve steps into the restaurant and spots Bucky at one of the tables in the back. He makes his way over and his husband stands to kiss him. “How was your day?” He’s got that glint in his eyes and Steve knows.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Bucky pulls his chair out for him and Steve sits, picking up his already filled wine glass. After about six months of jealousy over Parker emailing and texting Steve, Bucky got in on it and got to know the kid. They became friends pretty quickly after that.

“I did and promised not to tell you.” Steve leans over, kissing Bucky again.

“I missed you today.” The candlelight makes Bucky’s eyes even more mesmerizing than normal.

“I missed you too.” Picking up his own wine glass, he clinks it against Steve’s. “Happy Anniversary, Baby.”

Steve reaches over, caressing Bucky’s cheek. “Happy Anniversary, Love.”


End file.
